Finally, that awful rage has released me from its grip.

Finally, I am able to breathe easy and rest.

Finally, there is peace.

The healing begun on Thursday night when I read an article on "Giving Thanks" which quoted Psalm 100.

Then on Friday night Jared shared on John 11, Lazarus' death. How Jesus delayed. How Martha must've been furious with Jesus. How Jesus raised Lazarus - four days dead - to life again.

Saturday, I read Jeremiah 33. It also quoted Psalm 100, and spoke of God's promise of restoration.

Sunday, Reverend Ong shared about Joseph's life. How we are people of destiny, how Joseph recognized God's hand in all the troubles he suffered. How important it is to always see with eyes of faith God's hidden hand working out His purpose in my life.

He makes all things beautiful in His time.

It's good to be back on track.

Lists

I find these annoying :-

1. Idiots who drive at 40km/h or less
2. Idiots who hog the lane
3. Idiots who carelessly swerve into other drivers' lanes

I hate these :-

1. Mosquitoes
2. Spiders

I absolutely abhor and loathe these :-

1. Fakes/Hypocrites
2. People who spew out hollow words
3. People who lead other people on


Take your words and your actions and stuff them where the sun don't shine.

One of my three crosses broke this night. Quite an omen, don't you think?

Right when I'm at a crossroad.

So much rage lately, rage at everything and at everyone. Feels like I'm drowning in it and I can't help it.

I'm watching a colder me being created and the thought should scare me but it doesn't. And the fact that I'm not scared should scare me too, but it doesn't either.

When this storm's over, I wonder who I'll see staring back at me from the mirror.

You'll Never Let Go

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

Your perfect love is casting out fear

And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life

I won’t turn back I know You are near

And I will fear no evil

For my God is with me

And if my God is with me

Whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

~ Matt Redman

What keeps me going...

No one taught me any important lessons,

growing up.

Like how never to throw away unopened envelopes

because they might contain hopes waiting to be realized,

someone else's memories,

or even something as mundane as money

Or why I shouldn't be wishing on stars

(because they crash, and

because they're really just giant gasballs

but mainly because wishes don't come true)

No one mentioned anything about the importance of sunblock,

or braces

or spoke of the inherent, ultimate solitariness of the soul

one can never hope to outgrow

But the most important lesson I never learnt

even now,

is not to fall in love with you.

Look underneath the surface of who we are. See through the careful masks we wear daily in an effort to appear sane, to pretend that we're fine and that we've "made it", whatever that means.

Look carefully...and find a world of lost people trying to find their way with an incomplete map. See a wounded heart in every face you meet.

We are, each of us, created with a God-shaped void in our souls. We can never make it on our own.

I thank God for God, though I don't think of Him as often as I should.

Just a drop of humanity in an endless ocean, and not a particularly good drop at that.

I mourn the girl I used to be, the girl who had so many dreams, so much potential...when did she die? I did not notice her passing, that much is certain.

The girl who used to be crazily in love with Jesus...where did she disappear to? Buried under tonnes of daily routine, crushed by the weight of heartaches and disappointments and a lack of focus in the right direction.

We grow into our shells harshly carved out for us by society, by expectations, by 'life'.

I would smile my loveliest smile to charm your eyes

but your gaze is bespelled by a smile not mine

I would sing the sweetest song to enchant your soul

but your ears delight in the sound of her voice

I would do nothing that would break your heart

but you have not given your heart to me

a new name for heartbreak was whispered to me

but I knew it well and was not fooled

for I could taste that familiar flavour

of tears,

and ashes of crumbling dreams

dead as autumn leaves

lost to the wind

promises petal on your lips

scenting thickly of hope

and I, gullible butterfly that I am,

drink the nectar in

{too fast}

only to choke on disappointment

realizing

{too late}

this, your poison:

the sweetness of insincerity