A Loaf Of Barley Bread

2010-02-26T00:38:00.002+08:00

(There was never a man like Ahab, who sold himself to do evil in the eyes of the LORD, urged on by Jezebel his wife. He behaved in the vilest manner by going after idols, like the Amorites the LORD drove out before Israel.)

When Ahab heard these words, he tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and fasted. He lay in sackcloth and went around meekly.
Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah the Tishbite: "Have you noticed how Ahab has humbled himself before me? Because he has humbled himself, I will not bring this disaster in his day, but I will bring it on his house in the days of his son." 1 Kings 21:25-29

Grace and forgiveness : Even though Ahab was so evil, God relented when Ahab humbled himself before the Lord.

Consequences : However, Ahab's actions affected the life of his son.

Such powerful lessons in a mere 5 verses.

2010

2010-01-02T00:34:00.002+08:00

I've already let one day slide by.

It doesn't even feel any different. Just another day.

The new year should see me optimistic, hopeful, happy. After all, isn't that what normal people feel? It's the time for a new start, a fresh beginning, second chances.

So why do I just feel like curling up into a ball and hiding somewhere away from Life?

2009-12-21T23:21:00.002+08:00

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

There's perfect comfort in this: Christ's absolute sovereignty over my life.

I know that nothing happens to me which God doesn't allow, and if He allows it, then :-

1) He knows that I am able to bear it ;

2) it is good for me ; and

3) He will be with me every step of the way to see me through it.

2009-08-25T13:32:00.003+08:00

Finally, that awful rage has released me from its grip.

Finally, I am able to breathe easy and rest.

Finally, there is peace.

The healing begun on Thursday night when I read an article on "Giving Thanks" which quoted Psalm 100.

Then on Friday night Jared shared on John 11, Lazarus' death. How Jesus delayed. How Martha must've been furious with Jesus. How Jesus raised Lazarus - four days dead - to life again.

Saturday, I read Jeremiah 33. It also quoted Psalm 100, and spoke of God's promise of restoration.

Sunday, Reverend Ong shared about Joseph's life. How we are people of destiny, how Joseph recognized God's hand in all the troubles he suffered. How important it is to always see with eyes of faith God's hidden hand working out His purpose in my life.

He makes all things beautiful in His time.

It's good to be back on track.

Lists

2009-08-15T01:45:00.002+08:00

I find these annoying :-

1. Idiots who drive at 40km/h or less
2. Idiots who hog the lane
3. Idiots who carelessly swerve into other drivers' lanes

I hate these :-

1. Mosquitoes
2. Spiders

I absolutely abhor and loathe these :-

1. Fakes/Hypocrites
2. People who spew out hollow words
3. People who lead other people on

Take your words and your actions and stuff them where the sun don't shine.

2009-07-18T00:51:00.003+08:00

One of my three crosses broke this night. Quite an omen, don't you think?

Right when I'm at a crossroad.

So much rage lately, rage at everything and at everyone. Feels like I'm drowning in it and I can't help it.

I'm watching a colder me being created and the thought should scare me but it doesn't. And the fact that I'm not scared should scare me too, but it doesn't either.

When this storm's over, I wonder who I'll see staring back at me from the mirror.

2009-07-06T19:41:00.002+08:00

You'll Never Let Go

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

Your perfect love is casting out fear

And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life

I won’t turn back I know You are near

And I will fear no evil

For my God is with me

And if my God is with me

Whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

~ Matt Redman

What keeps me going...

2009-06-09T13:43:00.001+08:00

No one taught me any important lessons,

growing up.

Like how never to throw away unopened envelopes

because they might contain hopes waiting to be realized,

someone else's memories,

or even something as mundane as money

Or why I shouldn't be wishing on stars

(because they crash, and

because they're really just giant gasballs

but mainly because wishes don't come true)

No one mentioned anything about the importance of sunblock,

or braces

or spoke of the inherent, ultimate solitariness of the soul

one can never hope to outgrow

But the most important lesson I never learnt

even now,

is not to fall in love with you.

2009-05-02T02:08:00.002+08:00

Look underneath the surface of who we are. See through the careful masks we wear daily in an effort to appear sane, to pretend that we're fine and that we've "made it", whatever that means.

Look carefully...and find a world of lost people trying to find their way with an incomplete map. See a wounded heart in every face you meet.

We are, each of us, created with a God-shaped void in our souls. We can never make it on our own.

I thank God for God, though I don't think of Him as often as I should.

2009-05-02T01:53:00.003+08:00

Just a drop of humanity in an endless ocean, and not a particularly good drop at that.

I mourn the girl I used to be, the girl who had so many dreams, so much potential...when did she die? I did not notice her passing, that much is certain.

The girl who used to be crazily in love with Jesus...where did she disappear to? Buried under tonnes of daily routine, crushed by the weight of heartaches and disappointments and a lack of focus in the right direction.

We grow into our shells harshly carved out for us by society, by expectations, by 'life'.

2009-04-29T13:19:00.002+08:00

I would smile my loveliest smile to charm your eyes

but your gaze is bespelled by a smile not mine

I would sing the sweetest song to enchant your soul

but your ears delight in the sound of her voice

I would do nothing that would break your heart

but you have not given your heart to me

2009-04-29T13:16:00.001+08:00

a new name for heartbreak was whispered to me

but I knew it well and was not fooled

for I could taste that familiar flavour

of tears,

and ashes of crumbling dreams

dead as autumn leaves

lost to the wind

2009-04-29T13:13:00.002+08:00

promises petal on your lips

scenting thickly of hope

and I, gullible butterfly that I am,

drink the nectar in

{too fast}

only to choke on disappointment

realizing

{too late}

this, your poison:

the sweetness of insincerity

A Walk In The Park, or Take A Hike!

2009-03-21T16:07:00.002+08:00

A couple of weeks ago, I'd been feeling really confused and crappy because of mixed signals from someone I was interested in. (Same old, same old... *yawn*).

Anyway, he was extremely sweet and nice and thoughtful and yet could seem to forget that I existed. Hence the confusion.

I cried out to God about this issue and He answered me with an article titled "Surrender" which pretty much says it all. It even came with a nice little quote: "Do not want things to turn out as they seem best to you, but as God pleases. Then you will be free from confusion and thankful in your prayer"

Whoa Jesus!!! Talk about answered prayers...

So I was asked to surrender my feelings for this guy to God... easier said than done. I struggled very hard to offer it up to Him. The uncertainty, the fear, but mostly the pain. Whether I surrendered or not, both options hurt equally.

Then the next week, Uncle William asked me to meet him at Youth Park. He was going to 'walk in the park' with his family. I thought it would be a good distraction and I needed to talk to him as well so I went.

However, when I got there, he was waiting for me at the foot of a hiking trail... Bamboozled!!! I tried to get out of it, but to no avail. (There goes my trust in Uncle William... hehe)

It was awful. Each step was excruciatingly taxing and I could understand perfectly why dogs pant. Oxygen was a luxury and breathing and being alive was by God's grace alone.

But when I reached our destination, everything melted away. It was so beautiful and I felt refreshed.

On the way down, there was an option to descend a short way by rope. Sort of but not quite abseiling. I did it. It felt good.

At the end of the hike, I was truly refreshed and restored spiritually. I learnt that life should be taken one step at a time. That when you feel hurt and weary and just unable to go on, a short rest, a breather, and a friend does very well to help you make the next step. I learnt to keep going on. I learnt, most of all, to view obstacles as challenges and to respond to pain the right way. I CAN make it. I conquered my own 'disability', which turned out not to be a physical one but a mental one.

It was a good lesson learning.

So next time you feel you're drowning in problems, take a hike! Like, literally.

CNY

2009-01-30T17:22:00.002+08:00

Ah, respite after the madness. Calm after the storm.

Firecrackers have been lit and have annoyed neighbors, food has been consumed and bellies bloated, CNY's over (well, not until the fifteenth night technically, but...), everyone has gone home.

Surprisingly, this year's CNY is good. No untoward incidents, unless you count the number of mosquito attacks.

I think I collected more mosquito bites than I did ang pows! I think the mozzies had the most fun coz they had such a wide variety of bodies to suck from. Blood buffet.

Anyway. Pretty good CNY. Thank God.

2009-01-15T13:35:00.001+08:00

Lean not on your own understanding.

Okay, Lord. Got You, loud and clear.

Just please, help me bear it because I can't do it on my own.

Season for Growth

2009-01-10T18:55:00.005+08:00

I'm back.

And I don't think I've ever been happier, or more at peace with myself and with God before, except when I first got saved.

2008 was a rough year, fiendishly, notoriously hard on me. It began badly enough, got even worse from there, and then continued its downhill ride. Every time I thought my life couldn't get worse, I was proved wrong.

Only in December did it begin to pick up again. I think God decided that this poor girl should be given a break, even though the personal hell she went through was partly of her own making. Partly. Some bits were out of her control.

He was gracious and merciful, even though I'd already backslid badly.

Anyway, things have been picking up ever since. I feel like new earth, freshly dug. The digging part was painful, but essential for planting seeds. And now, it's time for the planted seeds to grow.

He reminded me in a shocking, lovely way of His call for me back in 2006, which I'd managed to forget and then confirmed it thrice again. It's good to be back, and be filled with a purpose, because I'd lost so much time.

Now I'm refreshed, and at peace, and beginning a new phase of life. It's all good. Though bad times will come, He is my refuge and my peace. Amen.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: He has scattered abroad His gifts to the poor; His righteousness endures forever. Now He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. ~ 2 Corinthians 9:8-11

A Church in Name Only

2008-09-03T18:53:00.006+08:00

Excerpt from The Star - "The Church of England is considering opening wine bars and introducing 'loyalty cards' in a package of measures designed to make it more businesslike. They are among a range of proposals by Birmingham Cathedral, which has taken the unprecedented step of appointing a former John Lewis boss to oversee a radical change in its image and branding. Mark Hope-Urwin, the Church's first 'director of hospitality and welcome', has been asked to spearhead a new approach to attracting and retaining worshippers..."

I checked the date of the paper. Monday, 1st September 2008. Odd. It seems to fit better as a 1st April story.

Since when has Jesus ever asked us to conform to the world's standards in reaching out to people? Does the Church of England remember that we are to be in the world, but not of it?

If they really want to boost attendance, I'd suggest a simple solution that won't cost any money: PRAYER.

It's heartbreaking that these Christians actually consider turning to spirits other than the Holy Spirit to "attract and retain" "worshippers".

The "worshippers" won't be real worshippers; they won't even have a personal relationship with Jesus. They'd just be going to a novel wine bar for the sake of an interesting experience.

And think of the number of Christians and seekers who would be deceived, and disillusioned, thinking that they've found God, when in actual fact all they'll find is just another secular social club...

2008-06-16T01:22:00.002+08:00

I actually posted once about a question Joy asked me - whether I'd rather love or be loved.

I used to think I'd rather love than be loved, because once you love, love will be returned.

Kinda shows how much I know, eh?

Thought of the Day

2008-06-12T02:21:00.002+08:00

The fruit of the mangosteen which looks so nice and fluffy in its couch of purple-red rind actually looks pretty gross when you get it out. Sorta like brains, or something rotten.

2008-06-10T02:25:00.002+08:00

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. ~ Isaiah 53:3

Jesus, Son of God, the Light of the world, actually willingly came down to earth to suffer for sinners. For men who despised Him...

Well, okay, maybe it's not that bad if people you don't call friends shun you. Unpleasant, perhaps, but bearable.

But when those nearest and dearest to you, whom you call friends, desert you in the hour of your need...

Yet, that was exactly what Jesus went through. When He was arrested by the priests and elders, all His disciples fled from Him. Even Peter, who had earlier on swore he would follow Jesus unto death, ran away when Jesus was arrested.

He knew that they would; yet He endured it. That's why He understands perfectly and can comfort those who are betrayed and deserted - because He was, too.

King David wrote in Psalm 41:9 - Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me.

King David experienced it, and he was able to say with confidence and hope "But you, O LORD, have mercy on me...In my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever. Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Amen and Amen." ~ Psalm 41:10,12-13

He knew that even if men betrayed him, deserted him, left him alone at a time when he most needed help, God will ultimately be there for him and with him.

Dear Lord, thank You for Your faithfulness and mercy! Thank You that You care for us, and watch over us with compassion even though we are wretched sinners. Lord, continue to guide us and refine us. Amen.

2008-06-09T02:21:00.002+08:00

Trusting God, despite the circumstances.

It's so easy to say, but it doesn't make the pain less real, doesn't take away the sorrow, doesn't stop tears from flowing.

Broken, yes. When will You heal?

2008-05-31T02:28:00.002+08:00

I used to be able to put down into poems each loss I suffered. After (and during) every heartbreak, words will just arrange themselves in my thoughts and beg to be put to paper.

But this time...this time the words won't come. The first time they're playing hide-and-seek, and there is just silence and deep sorrow within.

This time, tears have stolen the place of words.

This time, dear Lord, let love never fail!!!

"For nothing is impossible with God.......Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"

God, why are You so arrogant?!

2008-05-28T23:54:00.005+08:00

Quite a common question, this one. Why is God so arrogant?

On the face of it, it does seem that God is arrogant, claiming that only through Jesus can we be saved.

But on deeper analysis, is He, really?

Consider this: Would an arrogant God voluntarily give up His place in Heaven and descend to Earth to live as a human? Nope. But Jesus did.

Would an arrogant God restrain His power in the face of temptation and disbelief? I think an arrogant God would show off His powers immediately when the people around Him scoffed at His ability (What, you want Me to show you a sign? Sure! Take this lightning bolt!!! Zap!!!Hah!!! Believe Me now???). But Jesus restrained Himself and did only what was necessary, like healing people from diseases, delivering them from demon-possession, and raising the dead. He used His divine powers only for the good of others, and never to show off.

Would an arrogant God keep quiet in the face of false accusation? I bet an arrogant God would punish anyone who questioned Him. But Jesus kept quiet when the Pharisees and head priest accused Him.

Most importantly, would an arrogant God die for sinners because He loves them? Gee, what do you think? I say an arrogant God would just leave them to rot. But Jesus willingly gave up His life for us so that we can be saved. It was not a quick, clean death either. He was flogged, spat upon, beaten, and crucified, all so that sinners can be cleansed, saved, and live.

Some say that Christianity is an arrogant religion because it claims to be the only way through which sinners can be saved. They see Christianity as an exclusive club. But Billy Graham's daughter has a fantastic answer to this: Christianity isn't exclusive, because Jesus died for everyone! He will never turn away anyone who seeks Him. The only problem is that not everyone wants to accept His salvation!

The way I see it, God, Creator of the universe, of every single person, has the right to do whatever He wants. It's already amazing enough that He died for us, and that He loves us so much.

To say He's unfair because Jesus is the only way to salvation is like complaining it's unfair that water is wet. God made it like this. That's the way it is, that's the way He made it to be, that's the divine and sovereign right He has as Creator. And He's been more than fair and just, because He has made a way for us to know Jesus.

The analogy is this: God has already chartered a plane for us to get to Heaven, at a dear cost to Himself. The question is whether we want to book seats on that plane...and for Christians who already have the ticket, whether we actually make it a priority to get on the plane.

Look at it this way. As sovereign, Almighty God and Creator of the universe and everything in it, He could have simply made it compulsory for everyone to worship Him. God could easily have created us as beings that worship Him. But He didn't, because He loves us. He gave us free will, so we could make a choice to love Him. And He has set out to woo us. Sadly, most of the world ignores Him.

God has done so much for us. All that He asks in return is our love. And when we do respond to His love, He blesses us!

Imagine, a God who yearns to bless us! As opposed to, say, other deities, and spirits who have to be 'appeased' with offerings so they don't get offended and punish you, who give you something only if they're satisfied with what you give them first.

Imagine, a loving, omnipotent, omnipresent God who is with us, no matter where we are! As opposed to gods who dwell in places made by human hands, who can be found only at certain places, who need their worshippers to go to them. Jesus stands at the door of our hearts, knocking, waiting for us to invite Him in.

Who's the arrogant one? Definitely not the living God!

I admit, however, that some Christians do spoil God's reputation. With good intentions, they spread the good news. The problem is that they lack love and grace, and it comes across as self-righteous arrogance instead. So to all non-Christians out there who have had unpleasant encounters with professed Christians, I plead with you, please don't judge Jesus Christ by the way some of His people behave! Get to know Him personally, because He really is the nicest, most loving friend you could ever want!

And to those who know me personally, if I've ever come across as self-righteous and arrogant, I'm sorry! Don't judge Jesus by my actions!

Doubts

2008-05-19T20:42:00.002+08:00

Last night on the Discovery Channel, there was a program on Jesus. The purpose was to find out who He was.

I was only half paying attention to it, but the host interviewed a few people, and the conclusion he presented included Jesus being a political revolutionary.

And then there was the discovery of the Gnostic "Gospels", among them apparently one written by Thomas, one of Jesus' 12 disciples. In this "gospel", apparently Thomas did not stress on Jesus' divinity, thus making a case for detractors that Jesus wasn't the Son of God.

It was so historical, so neatly presented, so authoritative, that even I had slight doubts, as in "Hmmm...is it possible?"

Of course, I brought my doubts to God. And immediately God reminded me that the devil is a great liar, and that at the end times, lots of false teachers and teachings will appear trying to deceive 'even the elect, if that were possible', and ultimately that Satan masquerades as an angel of light.

And to reinforce the point, He gave me another encouraging reminder: I was browsing through the March-May 2008 edition of Our Daily Bread and the page opened to March 25 - The Tomb Of Jesus, written by Dennis Fisher.

He had a really good point - "Most compelling is the fact that every disciple except John died a martyr's death. Central to their message was Jesus' resurrection. If Christ had not been raised from the dead, why did the disciples choose to die rather than deny it?"

This is so true. They left everything behind to follow Jesus. Even after His death, they continued living the way He taught them to. And trust me, Jesus doesn't advocate a cushy lifestyle.

Not only is this willingness to die for the true gospel confined to the 12 disciples. Even in recent times, people are still willing to die for Jesus. And by 'dying for Jesus', it doesn't mean kamikaze-style-take-unbelievers-out suicides.

They were willing to die for Jesus in the sense that they would rather die when persecuted by authorities than renounce their faith. In Japan, the believers were tortured, hung upside down over a pit, and forced to step on a fumie (a likeness of Jesus) as a sign of renunciation.
Why would these believers go through such torture if they did not believe in Him?

In Roman times, Christians would be rounded up and cruelly left to face lions and tigers in the arenas and amphitheaters for the entertainment of spectators.

Even in modern times, believers are not exempt from persecution. I have heard of a girl whose hair was cut in an ugly style by her angry mother, just to shame her in hopes of preventing her to go to church. And that's just one of the milder persecutions.

Christians have been martyred and persecuted from Jesus' time until now: http://www.persecution.com

Why would they persevere if Jesus and the gospel aren't real?

The God of All Comfort

2008-05-13T01:03:00.003+08:00

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

I think it's simply marvellous that the God I serve is a God of all comfort! And that Jesus is intimately acquainted with all the sufferings that I have gone through, am going through, and will go through.

How is it that Christ's sufferings have flowed over into the lives of His followers? Let's see. He was rejected, falsely accused, humiliated, persecuted, deserted by His friends...He faced unbelief all around...He was in physical pain and emotional distress...He was hurt... I'd say that pretty much sums up human suffering.

The best part is that although Christ's sufferings flows into our lives, through Him comfort overflows! Our sufferings will never ever outweigh our comfort.

There is no pit that deep, that He is not deeper still! His love is all-encompassing.

I don't know about people out there, but I'm glad to have a God who sympathizes with my sufferings, a God who actively cares and looks out for and loves me unconditionally, not some deity looking for worship, impassive, cold, not giving two bits about me. My Jesus died for me, for humankind.

The God of all comfort...not just a God who's there when I'm a 'better' person, or a God waiting at the outside of the shithole I'm in, but a God who is with me, helping me to be a better person, cheering me on, encouraging me, and pulling me out of the shithole.

Now that is a comforting thought.

2008-05-08T02:22:00.002+08:00

Sometimes we're torn between what we really want and what we actually need.

We wish - pray, hope - that what we want will become what we need.

The two forces are so strong that we are beaten down by the struggle.

Sometimes, it feels like dying.

Somedays, I really need God's grace, mercy and love to keep on living...

2008-03-17T16:37:00.002+08:00

Would you buy an expensive box of chocolates, knowing that most of the chocolates inside are rotten?

Any consumer would obviously steer clear of such a purchase. It's a waste of money.

The Bible says You were bought at a price... (1 Corinthians 7:23)

Yes, people, all humanity have been bought at a dear price - by the blood of Jesus, with His very life.

And the most amazing thing is this: He already knew that we were like that box of chocolates, all rotten and stinky, and yet He chose to give up His life for us so we could be saved. Reconciled to God. Made clean.

To all the detractors out there who claim that God is arrogant and unfair for saying that Jesus is the only way to heaven, I ask you this: Would an arrogant, unfair God die for us? I don't think so.

To all those who say that God still has much to 'prove' to humanity, I say this: He has spoken to us, given us His Word, suffered for us, and given us His very life. What more do we need? His miracles are evident, if only you would open your eyes to see. He is real, if only you would choose to believe.

We are less than nothing, but He gave up everything for us. Brothers and sisters, what would we give up for Him?

Post-Election

2008-03-10T15:19:00.001+08:00

Glad to report that where I'm at, the buntings, posters, et al have actually been removed!!!

Good job! =)

Election Fever

2008-03-03T17:25:00.002+08:00

The world, as reported by local dailies, is officially nuts. There's no way you can escape from election news, national or international.

*yawn*

It amuses me no end to see the politicians' panicky rush to secure votes at the last minute. As if garish buntings and posters covering every available surface will help us decide whom to vote for... And those things are really a nuisance because they're wrapped around signposts and dangle from every conceivable place, blocking roadusers' sight. That's a great way to secure votes, really!!!

As if eleventh hour (and fifty ninth minute) propa- uhh, sorry, broadcasting- of respective good deeds will change anything.

If you're really good, you'd not have to worry about your track record. If you're really good, you don't have to do last minute 'good deeds' to secure constituents' votes because they'd already know you've been doing them all along.

As far as I'm concerned, actions speak louder than words, and consistent actions during those years in between elections count most.

Promises of regular trash-collection in exchange for votes? Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but isn't that supposed to be a basic right? We want to be a modern country, always moving forward, but if we vote for the wrong people, our trash won't be collected on time. Right.

It's funny. Promising a regular trash-collection, but once the election's over, the buntings, posters, et al will still be in place, left to disintegrate naturally with Nature's help.

If one can't even clean up after one's self, how can one run a country?

A Night's Drive:Musings and Observations

2008-02-08T02:29:00.000+08:00

Do crabs get carsick?

If crabs get carsick, do they walk straight after that?

If open burning is not allowed in Malaysia, why is there a sign on the highway which reads AWAS: KAWASAN PEMBAKARAN TERBUKA (translated WARNING: OPEN BURNING AREA)?

How stupid do they think we are?

Why is the windscreen still clear (read: bug-less) after an hour's drive?

Why, immediately after wondering why the windscreen is bug-free, do some bugs go SPLAT! on the windscreen?

Are bugs psychic? Probably not, since they wouldn't have ended up as dirt on a windscreen if they are.

Slavery

2008-02-01T17:40:00.000+08:00

When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, they were effectively making a statement that they didn't want to live by God's rules, that they wanted to choose for themselves.

Maybe they thought that living by God's rules was restricting. Maybe they craved freedom.

Ironically, instead of being free, disobeying God meant that they became slaves to sin.

Interestingly, in Old Testament times, male slaves were marked by their ears - as in, if you're a guy and you're wearing an earring, it means you're a slave.

Another interesting fact - the hole in your ear will close up if you take the earring out. Physically, we're designed to be set free from slavery.

So even though we're slaves to sin, Jesus' death and resurrection sets us free from the bondage of sin.

insomnia

2008-02-01T17:05:00.000+08:00

I salt my pillow with tears

as unrelenting memories pepper a lonely ceiling.

It's a private theatre for sleepless eyes.

2007-12-11T13:28:00.000+08:00

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights. ~ Habakkuk 3:17-19

Yep. Praise God and give Him thanks even though things aren't going well for us.

2007-10-29T10:42:00.001+08:00

Aren't rambly, anonymous, incoherent comments just plain annoying?

2007-10-29T09:48:00.000+08:00

Right. Malaysia has been rocked again by the latest case of sexual abuse.

I wonder what the powers-that-be/male chauvinistic @$$wipes are gonna say this time? Who are they gonna blame?

You can, perhaps, with an overly-generous stretch of imagination, blame women who "dress sexily" for "asking for it". After all, any woman who wears shorts is definitely asking to be raped, and if she wears a body-hugging shirt, she's just looking for it, right? Men can't be blamed, no of course not! How dare you suggest such a thing? Men can't control their own desires, so women must not tempt them!

But how about a little girl? How about a fully-covered student? How about an old lady? I wonder how they "invited" all the sexual harassment, abuse and rape.

Instead of acting like a bunch of rowdy monkeys, calling each other names, debating about trivial matters and making stupid, inane, chauvinistic remarks, the powers-that-be should start doing what they're supposed to do, namely stop playing the Blame Game and start taking measures to make our streets a safer place again.

What does it say about us as a people, as a country, when victims are blamed? When, instead of being able to exercise basic human freedom, we are made to feel guilty and fearful each time we step out onto the streets? When murderers and rapists and thieves and pure excrement material are free to roam around while we are not?

Stop thinking about building more malls, more super projects and start thinking about building up the people of this nation. God knows we need it!

All the external rules and laws won't help an iota. Change must come from within for it to last. Doesn't matter if women are covered from head-to-toe if men are not taught to control themselves, if they grow up in a sick society.

As Jesus said: "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean."Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness." - Matthew 23:25-28

What If...

2007-10-01T14:56:00.000+08:00

What if...

...instead of being known for the Petronas Twin Towers, we are famous for having the cleanest public toilets?

...instead of sending astronauts to space, we used the money to develop our education and health care facilities?

...instead of bringing up racial issues and making a big fuss over ethnicity, we're all truly united?

...instead of just "tolerating" others of different faiths and race, we love and accept them?

...instead of attempting to create the biggest Jalur Gemilang out of roti jala, we worked on being nice and considerate to the people around us?

...instead of building megastructures, we maintain and improve the ones we have?

...instead of planning grand projects, we learn to keep our public places litter-free?

...instead of calling each other stupid names, fighting over trivial matters, and wasting public funds, our elected representatives actually did what we elected them to do?

...instead of placing such importance on how many As students get, we work to actually improve the quality of education?

2007-10-01T14:10:00.000+08:00

First, Sin Yee left. Then Chun Chung followed suit. Now Joy's gone.

:(

I really really really hate changes like these!!! :(

Benefits Of Dating A Metrosexual

2007-09-24T16:31:00.000+08:00

(This is something I never thought I'd blog about, but hey, you live, you learn. Never say never!)

Here goes:

1) If you're not the kind of person to carry a purse/handbag around (like me!), you can always put your stuff in his man-bag. (I'm trying not to shudder as I mentally say the words "man-bag" *grin*)

2) He'll willingly go window shopping with you, and can perhaps offer better fashion advice than some of your girl friends.

3) Free access to his strawberry-flavored lip gloss and smoothing agent!

4) He'll always look good. (For #4 to work, choose your metrosexual guy carefully. Make sure he does not own a single piece of pink clothing or any shimmery stuff. I said "metrosexual", not "ah beng" or "gay".)

Uhhh, that's all I can think of.

Soledad Unseen

2007-09-10T11:30:00.000+08:00

Soledad sat with her back against a solid wall, resting, weary from her drifting, watching the insubstantial souls float past her unseeing. Almost in despair, Soledad wondered if she would ever find that familiar stranger.

Even as these thoughts crowded her mind, she suddenly glimpsed through the sea of souls a color, a spark, someone who was different from all the others, someone substantial. Soledad got up, excitedly, and began to make her way towards this person.

As she drew nearer, pushing past the misty crowd, she realized with a thrill of joy that this was the face she had been looking for all this while. This was the stranger she recognized!

After all the years of searching, finally, finally.

She called out to him - could he hear her? - and waved.

He turned to her and their eyes met...

...and he smiled...

Soledad's heart leapt for joy. He could see her, then!

Just as she started walking nearer to him, he turned away. Stomach clenching, she saw that he was distracted by a group of laughing souls.

Her heart, which had for a brief moment felt young and fresh again, broke anew.

Soledad did not see it break, but she knew it did because the shattered fragments made every breath she breathed hurt so painfully she wished she was dead.

She sat down in the middle of the oblivious crowd, and began weeping.

2007-09-09T15:19:00.000+08:00

Confused.

2007-09-09T15:00:00.000+08:00

"Your wickedness will punish you; your backsliding will rebuke you. Consider then and realize how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the LORD your God and have no awe of me," declares the Lord, the LORD Almighty......."I had planted you like a choice vine of sound and reliable stock. How then did you turn against me into a corrupt, wild vine?.......Yet in spite of all this you say, 'I am innocent; He is not angry with me.' But I will pass judgment on you because you say, 'I have not sinned.'"

Soledad's Birthday

2007-08-30T17:37:00.000+08:00

I. For Her Birthday, Soledad Had Her Heart Broken

It broke with a sound exactly like the beep from her phone when a message was received. She'd expected the sound to be louder, more dramatic, to correspond with the actual pain, but then again, life was always weird.

II. Birthdays Are Just Another Occasion To Get Hurt

Each consecutive birthday was worse than the last. It was a good opportunity this year to be hurt, especially by the people closest to her heart, whom she loved the most. Her family and friends are so wonderful that she can't wait to get away from them. This year, Soledad played Voodoo Girl and Pincushion Queen again.

III. Plath's Wisdom

Sylvia Plath wrote something along the lines of "If you expect nothing from anyone, you'll never be disappointed." Soledad thinks Sylvia might be on to something.

IV. Love Is A Liability

Love always requires you to cut your heart into pieces as an offering, as bait. Soledad had done just that, only to realize that her offering was not wanted.

V. The Increase

One year older, one year dumber.

2007-08-27T16:53:00.000+08:00

each moment that you do not miss me

stretches

into an eternity

of lifetimes upon lifetimes

lived

learning to die

painfully, intimately

acquainted

with grief

only when you think of me again

can i

finally

breathe easy

2007-08-27T16:33:00.000+08:00

And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again. -2 Corinthians 5:15

Christ cannot really work in us until and unless we begin to surrender to Him and to die to self. If we're too full of ourselves, there's no space left for Jesus.

Easier said than done, though. I still struggle sometimes. There are things I enjoy doing, but then it hits me that even though they're not sinful per se, they don't glorify God.

Dying for Jesus is easy. It's living for Him that's hard.

Graduation

2007-08-16T14:30:00.000+08:00

Graduation
~~~~~~~~~~
a story by A

The academic regalia lay in a carelessly flung heap on her bed.

The girl stared at it with hatred, the robe, the hood, the ugly mortarboard, and wished she could take a knife to the whole mass of dark cloth, tearing at it until it resembled the chaotic mess she felt within her.

She still remembered with perfect clarity the fit of peevishness and anger which washed over her when her mother had sounded disappointed, a few days earlier, that she wanted to skip her own graduation ceremony. Dad's looking forward to it, her mother had said softly, and with that sentence, rage flared up in her.

She was surprised at her reaction, and the strength of it, but a deeply-rooted sense of guilt and filial piety had her biting back her natural loathing towards the graduation ceremony, swallowing it down and making herself sick in the process.

She hated the robes, hated the idea of the graduation ceremony, hated the pride in her parents' eyes, hated them all.

This whole damn thing, she thought, sick to the core, is pointless.

The heap of cloth on her bed continued to taunt her by its mere presence, the mortarboard arrogantly daring her to slash it. She would have loved to shred the robe to pieces and hang herself with the hood, but the fact that it was a rental prevented her.

Come to think of it, she hated, too, the practical, polite side of her which always emerged victorious when inner battles were being fought out.

Her mother's voice rang out, interrupting her thoughts, asking her if she was ready for the photography session.

I'm coming, she said, gathering up the robe, hood, mortarboard and putting on her smiling, everything's-okay mask.

Hey There Delilah

2007-08-16T14:19:00.000+08:00

I never really liked the name Delilah, but this song makes me wanna change my name!

"Hey There Delilah" - by Plain White T

Hey there Delilah

What's it like in New York City?

I'm a thousand miles away

But girl tonight you look so pretty

Yes you do

Times Square can't shine as bright as you

I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah

Don't you worry about the distance

I'm right there if you get lonely

Give this song another listen

Close your eyes

Listen to my voice it's my disguise

I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me

What you do to me

Hey there Delilah

I know times are getting hard

But just believe me girl

Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar

We'll have it good

We'll have the life we knew we would

My word is good

Hey there Delilah

I've got so much left to say

If every simple song I wrote to you

Would take your breath away

I'd write it all

Even more in love with me you'd fall

We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far

But they've got planes and trains and cars

I'd walk to you if I had no other way

Our friends would all make fun of us

And we'll just laugh along because we know

That none of them have felt this way

Delilah I can promise you

That by the time we get through

The world will never ever be the same

And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah

You be good and don't you miss me

Two more years and you'll be done with school

And I'll be making history like I do

You'll know it's all because of you

We can do whatever we want to

Hey there Delilah here's to you

This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me

What you do to me.

2007-08-14T13:52:00.000+08:00

According to the front page of today's edition of The Star, 14 August 2007, it's time for that game again: the Blame Game.

Boy, are bus companies all over Malaysia gonna feel the heat or what! I can predict what's going to happen, though.

First, there will of course be extensive media coverage on irresponsible bus drivers and bus companies, accompanied by a slew of angry letters from outraged citizens all over Malaysia. Maybe even an interview or two, featuring past survivors, or relatives of victims.

Inevitably, the government will then step in (or be dragged in), and make appropriate comforting noises and show that they will take steps to prevent this horrendous thing from happening again. Excuses will be made for the terrible bus accident, notwithstanding the fact that irresponsible bus drivers have been a recurring nightmare for every bus passenger in Malaysia ever since time immemorial.

Add into this mixture a scapegoat to take the heat, a few 'crackdowns', and in a few months' time, all will be settled, maybe even forgotten. Bus drivers all over Malaysia will then be able to resume their manic antics on the road, speeding on highways and normal roads, terrorizing smaller vehicles, killing other people.

Until the next major accident, and subsequent big hoo-ha, that is. Then they just repeat the cycle.

Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka! Can you feel the semangat patriotisme coursing through your veins yet?

2007-08-13T18:17:00.000+08:00

I've just found out that it costs approximately RM1,800 just to obtain a diving license.

Great. By the time I earn enough money and have enough time to do it, I'd probably be too old to enjoy it.

Sequel to Stress

2007-08-12T18:09:00.000+08:00

The silken sea sings to me,

a siren-song to step into the surf.

Seduced by the soft sand sucking my toes,

I shall sink with a smile

into the surging swell,

somewhere safe from the surface-world:

a shelter from sullen skies

and a soulless, singeing sun.

Swathed in sweet saline,

secure from stinging storms,

such sublime submersion!

Do you suppose such a surplus of s-words supplies a strain sickening to sight and sense? Sorry for my silliness. It's a sign of my sanity slipping.

2007-08-12T00:48:00.001+08:00

I never was a huge fan of Ferrari. Preferred Jaguars and Porsches...but...look at this baby!!! *drool*

Ferrari 360. You can see the engine at the back!!!

*sigh*

Who Says The Bible Isn't Contradictory?

2007-08-10T16:49:00.000+08:00

Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.

Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.

~ Proverbs 26:4-5

Yeah, back to back contradictions.

*gasp* How to trust the Bible, then? Doesn't this mean it's not accurate?!

On the contrary, I think that these "contradictions" are actually logical. Theoretically, things can be black and white, but this isn't a cookie-cutter world. People are like snowflakes, each different, each unique (just like every one else, ha ha.) We'd need different ways to reach out to different people.

All these two "contradicting" verses are saying is that, we have to be wise and know what to do in any given situation. Sometimes, it's best to answer, and at other times, it's wisest to keep quiet.

Yeah, God knows what it's about.

2007-08-10T15:57:00.000+08:00

Asa did what was good and right in the eyes of the LORD his God. He removed the foreign altars and the high places, smashed the sacred stones and cut down the Asherah poles. He commanded Judah to seek the LORD, the God of their fathers, and to obey his laws and commands. He removed the high places and incense altars in every town in Judah, and the kingdom was at peace under him. - 2 Chronicles 14:2-5

Although he did not remove the high places from Israel, Asa's heart was fully committed to the LORD all his life. - 2 Chronicles 15:17

Asa then took the silver and gold out of the treasuries of the LORD's temple and of his own palace and sent it to Ben-Hadad king of Aram, who was ruling in Damascus. "Let there be a treaty between me and you," he said, "as there was between my father and your father. See, I am sending you silver and gold. Now break your treaty with Baasha king of Israel so he will withdraw from me.".....At that time Hanani the seer came to Asa king of Judah and said to him: "Because you relied on the king of Aram and not on the LORD your God, the army of the king of Aram has escaped from your hand. Were not the Cushites and Libyans a mighty army with great numbers of chariots and horsemen? Yet when you relied on the LORD, he delivered them into your hand. For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war." Asa was angry with the seer because of this; he was so enraged that he put him in prison.....In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa was afflicted with a disease in his feet. Though his disease was severe, even in his illness he did not seek help from the LORD, but only from the physicians. - verses from 2 Chronicles 16

Yes, yes, I know it's a very long passage. But King Asa's life is intriguing.

It serves as a reminder that though we may be fully committed to God, we can still lack faith in Him. And when we lack faith in God, we have to bear the consequences.

I guess what I don't understand is the reason behind King Asa's lack of faith. God has helped him so many times, been with him, and yet...

The best conclusion I can come to, through my own experience, is that we humans have too short a memory. We keep forgetting how awesome God is. There's a mechanism in us which always makes us fear that God will fail to come through for us, and I think this is because of our life experiences with human beings, because everyone around us has failed us at least once, and hurt us many times over.

The thing is to remember that God is not human.

Where's The Line?

2007-08-10T15:16:00.000+08:00

And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not. ~ Malachi 3:18

It's ironic, in a very real and very scary way, that those who are "upholding" God's law are actually extremists who deny Him, while those who profess to serve Him are very good at living as if they were not.

As much as I love God, I fail miserably in my walk with Him. Full of good intentions, but only human and easily distracted at that. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak... Every time I succumb to the flesh, I mar my testimony. Even though I have excuses - good intention, moment of weakness, etc - the fact is, I sin and this does nothing to distinguish me from non-Christians.

The boundary lines between Good and Evil aren't that simple anymore, not to non-Christians, and not even to Christians who don't stick closely to God.

I may sound like a raving lunatic foaming at the mouth, spouting paranoid nonsense, fit to be locked in a nice, white padded cell, but the devil has already laid his oh-so-subtle trap. Good is being propagandized as evil. And those who seek to uphold God's law don't do it God's way, through love. They do it the human way, with hatred and ostracism, so that those who are compromising and tolerant are seen as 'good'.

Wolves in sheep's clothing + confused sheep = Dead sheep

Pride & Joy

2007-08-10T14:50:00.000+08:00

Hard to believe, but I actually enjoy teaching the pre-schoolers to dance. They're such an eager, enthusiastic bunch, so willing to please.

The feeling of pride surging inside as I watch them dance, knowing their cue and steps perfectly, is indescribable.

I think I'm in love with them! They've managed to do something I never thought could happen - they've made me love kids.

2007-08-08T16:00:00.000+08:00

Missing someone is such a craptacular feeling.

You wonder why you allow your defenses to be lowered in the first place, why you stupidly carve out another bit of your heart to make space for that person.

Especially when you're not even sure whether that person cares about you missing him/her, or pretty sure that he/she doesn't give a damn either way.

It's [Not] Happily Ever After

2007-08-08T12:43:00.000+08:00

Do you know how much damage sugarized, Disney-fied fairy tales have caused to humanity?

These fairy tales endorse "Love At First Sight" and the principle of "Damsel In Distress", i.e sit tight, look pretty and wait for your prince charming to rescue you.

But what if no one comes to rescue you? What if your rescuer ain't no prince? What if prince charming only falls for you because you're beautiful?

I think the "Love At First Sight" thing is particularly dangerous. Just imagine, little girls all over the world, growing up with dreams of meeting their Prince Charming and giving their hearts away the moment they lay eyes on a gorgeous guy. How dangerous is that?

And growing up believing that Beauty is Everything, that if they're not Beautiful they'd just end up being the Ugly Stepsister with no prince. So that hunger for Beauty is born, to achieve Beauty at all costs. Physical beauty, that is.

So we'll end up with generations of manufactured Barbie-bimbos, of girls with empty spaces where their brains should be, just sitting around looking pretty waiting for someone to rescue them.

Heaven forbid!

2007-08-06T16:56:00.000+08:00

How can anyone resist a rubber ducky?

2007-08-06T16:46:00.001+08:00

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

~ Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

Tough Week

2007-08-06T11:39:00.000+08:00

For the past 3 weeks or so, I've not been sleeping well. Even though I'm exhausted, I can't fall asleep early. And I have to wake up early. Worst of all, I wake up with headaches.

Add teaching kids dancing, physical labour (moving stuff for 3 days), walking up 5 flights of stairs of 64 individual steps, unwanted encounters with construction workers who stare and try to flirt, and unpleasant guards to insufficient sleep and headaches, and you get a crazy week, plus aches in places in your body you didn't even know existed.

Sunday night, I was about ready to die. Before I went to sleep, I thought Oh God I can't take this anymore please just let me have a good night's sleep and wake up rested without headaches...

Today I woke up, refreshed and without headache. My calf and thigh muscles weren't aching either! I felt so happy, and this Bible verse just popped into my head: You do not have, because you do not ask God.

I'm so blessed because even with the tough week I went through, God's grace still abounds.

I never truly valued the feeling of waking up rested, until I knew how it was like to wake up feeling worse than when I went to sleep.

Whooo hoooooo!!!

2007-08-06T10:08:00.000+08:00

One of the sweetest phrases ever has got to be: Manchester United beat Chelsea.

=)

3 penalties saved in a row!!! Go, Van Der Sar!!! Whooo hoooooo!!!

Such an exciting match, it was. Such a great start.

But guess what? ...I missed it. My cousin's Astro subscription does not include Channel 81.

*gloom*

On a brighter note, the EPL season's here again. Yay!!! =)

The Day I Stopped Fearing Small Spiders

2007-08-04T16:39:00.000+08:00

When I was young - ah, a century ago, it doth seem! - I used to be afraid of spiders: those tiny, jumping ones as well as their skinny, thin-legged brethren.

And then...I moved to Penang.

Even then, I was still afraid of spiders in general. Worse, I began to get regular visits from huge, hairy spiders. They popped up everywhere, anytime - bedroom, bathroom, car...

Then came the 22nd of June, 2007. 'Twas a Friday afternoon, and the beginning of the end...a gigantic baby jungle spider came too close for comfort.

Then Saturday night, 23rd of June 2007 - that baby spider's big uncle came for a visit (well, I assume it was an uncle. Might've been a hairy aunt for all I know...) to my room just as I switched off the room lights. I could see its big, ugly silhouette against the white wall in the room. Darn, I thought to myself, I have to deal with this! So I woke my roommate up...

She began hitting at it, or at the wall beneath it anyway. So where did that big, ugly monstrosity go to? Right behind my cupboard, that's where. It didn't go to my roommate's side of the room. Nooo, that would not have been fun for it. It had to torture a poor girl. Guess how much sleep that poor girl got that night? She was thinking that she couldn't take it any longer. She was desperate, cornered.

Sunday, 24th June 2007 - the big ugly monstrosity scuttled out at night, again. She'd been sort of expecting it...an intuition...spider-sense, perhaps? Filled with resolve, she began to move her things away from where she expected the spider to fall. She got a can of insecticide, rolled up her sleeves, and started spraying. It fell onto her desk. She took a roll of wrapping paper and started hitting the area around it in hopes of getting it off her table before squishing it (so it wouldn't make a mess on her table), but her roommate awoke due to the noise. Roommate promptly took over spider-smashing duty, when...

"Aaaah!!! Ada ular!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the maid... (Translation: Aaaah!!! Snake!!!!!!!!!!!)

True enough, there was a black snake in the maid's room, a few feet long but not very thick. A young snake...wrong place, wrong time, wrong species. Its life was cut off, as was its head. Or rather, squashed off. Snake brains all over the place. Meanwhile, the-girl-who-used-to-be-scared-of-spiders was guarding the spider in case it made a mad dash towards the safety of the wall behind her cupboard again.

After her roommate disposed off the snake, she helped the girl get rid of the spider.

Then on Wednesday, 27th June, only the maid and I were at home. I was just getting ready to watch Heroes, when...

"Aaaah!!! Ada ular!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the maid... Déjà vu, and the chance of becoming a hero(ine).

So the maid and I disposed off the snake together. It didn't even look like a snake when we were through with it...

After the experiences, I'm no longer afraid of tiny spiders. I can't say the same for certain about big spiders, though, as I've yet to encounter one after the incidents. As for snakes, well, I'm only afraid of them when I'm not sure if they're poisonous - or sure that they're poisonous. I'm perfectly fine with non-poisonous snakes.

There. That was my tale. Sounds incredible, doesn't it? Even I wouldn't blame you if you disbelieved me, though you would be wrong.

Money Can't Buy Manners

2007-08-04T16:19:00.000+08:00

This true story came from a nice, old guard:

After he finished his shift, this guard sat down on one of the benches found in the condominium where he was employed - deployed? - to rest awhile.

A resident of the condo, some hotshot Dato', went up to him and asked him, very snootily and sarcastically, "Is this your usual resting place?"

Well, it might not be the right place for a guard to rest, but come on. It's not as if the guard was on duty or shirking his duty or resting there every chance he had. And the guard was an old man.

Sometimes I just don't get people. Is money a license to be assholic?

2007-08-01T16:02:00.000+08:00

Out-of-this-world colors. Terrible-looking, nigh-unidentifiable creatures. What's this, an alien invasion? Or horrifying hallucinations induced by psychedelic drugs?

No, there is a much simpler explanation: a walk in Sungai Wang.

You think I'm exaggerating? Okay, I'll prove it to you with a list of what I saw:

1) A guy with this bizarre hairstyle. His hair was dyed pink, orange and yellow...all at once. It looked like alien chicken feathers.

2) A girl with knee-high studded black boots, short flared skirt and corset-top. And don't forget the requisite bad hairstyle. She looked like some refugee from the world of manga, or an extra from the set of some sci-fi-goth movie gone wrong. Badly wrong. Even Frankenstein would decline to marry this bride. (My cousin's saying it might be a guy.....)

3) A guy with a mohawk, tight sleeveless striped shirt, and equally tight pants. 'Nuff said. *shudder*

4) An old lady with dyed, messy blond hair and a colorful, striped bandanna, wearing a baggy green outfit. To complete the look, she had on huge glasses.

And a whole battalion of others with really horrendous hairstyles and knee-high socks/boots.

If you ever feel that you're dressed really weirdly, fear not! Just head on down to Sungai Wang and presto! you'll be unnoticeable. Boring, even.

I mean, this is taking cosplay to a whole, different, tasteless level. Freedom of artistic expression shouldn't be abused!

"Exercise"

2007-07-30T16:24:00.000+08:00

(Saturday night - 1 Utama) + (Sunday afternoon - Berjaya Times Square and Sungai Wang. Got there by monorail which means lots of walking and standing) + (Sunday night - planning dance moves) + (Monday morning - teaching kids to dance, i.e teaching and dancing) = Utter exhaustion + leg aches.

I'm seriously unfit. Old age probably has something to do with it as well...

*sigh*

Resolution: get in shape and stay in it!!!

2007-07-30T16:07:00.000+08:00

"Thanks" largely to my dearest cousins, I've been wangled in to teach little kids to dance. Dance to the tune of Christina Aguilera's "Candyman", no less!

[Now, don't even ask (me, anyway) why "Candyman" is an appropriate song for preschoolers to dance to. It isn't. I had no say in choosing the song. I think it's way too obscene for public airing, let alone for little kids to dance to. But I digress.]

Me. Teaching. Kids. Dancing.

It happened so fast, I didn't even realize what sort of trouble I'd gotten into. And anyway, I wasn't exactly in the position to say no.

BUT, contrary to all expectations, it's actually quite fun!

I'm not a good dancer, not by a long shot. Heck, I'm not even an adequate dancer. But the moves are so simple and basic, they could have been examples from "The Dummies' Guide To Dancing".

Plus, it's a good way to sweat.

Watching those little girls remember all the moves and nail them down perfectly on cue is so satisfying! They're all cute little things, really.

The Betty Syndrome

2007-07-26T20:05:00.000+08:00

Reading Archie comics, I've always wondered about Betty's hang-up about Archie. She's bright and beautiful and has other guys going after her, so why does she always go back to the guy who treats her like crap every time he calls?

I used to think she's stupid.

Then I sort of got saddled with her problem, the way she can't get over Archie.

And I still think she's stupid.

2007-06-29T14:47:00.000+08:00

3 movies I've waited for, this year.

The first, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, was disappointing.

The second, Shrek 3, was a let-down.

The third, Transformers, was AWESOME!!!!!!!

Okay, so the storyline wasn't extremely impressive. It is an action movie, after all.

But man...watching the Autobots and Decepticons transform...all the action scenes...and Josh Duhamel, mustn't forget Josh Duhamel...whooooooooo...ultimate movie high! Such an adrenaline rush...still buzzing from it, actually.

I was the loudest in the cinema. I think I made a lot of enemies there and then, and embarassed the heck out of my friends...oh well. It was hard to keep quiet, not with such a great movie!

Slightly bittersweet ending though, and there are still a few things I don't quite get about the plot and itty-bitty pieces of storyline. But who cares? Watching Starscream's battle scene with the fighter jets - heck, in fact all the scenes with the Autobots and Decepticons in it, and Josh Duhamel, mustn't forget him - makes you forget the storyline.

Loopholes? What loopholes?

2007-06-23T13:41:00.000+08:00

Have you watched the Korean movie "My Sassy Girl" before? No? Good! Don't even bother. It was pure idiocy.

The story's about a guy who meets a drunken girl one night. He ends up taking care of her that night. The thing is, she later puts him through all sorts of nonsense and yet he sticks around.

Examples:

1) She demanded that he meet her. He did, they went to a cafe, she asked him to order their drinks and yet when he did, she scolded him for his choice and proceeded to order for them. And she made him pay for it.

2) She said that there was no way it could work out between them, yet when another guy asked him if they were a couple and he said no, she got mad at him.

3) She complained that her high-heels were hurting her feet, and wanted them to exchange shoes. The guy readily agreed to give her his shoes, but said that he would walk barefeet and carry her heels. At this, she sulked and walked away. So he put on her high-heels. And as if that wasn't enough, she made him run after her in those heels!

How ridiculous and unreasonably demanding can she get? I don't understand girls like that, who think that making fools out of their boyfriends is some kind of "proof" of love.

I think that she's not even ready for a relationship. The main reason she "loves" that guy is because he makes her feel complete/secure.

I've witnessed relationships like this, and they don't end up pretty. No human being can ever "heal" you completely, and if you're expecting your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse to give you what you lack, it's a disaster because he/she is most likely looking to you to give them something they lack as well.

Human beings just aren't meant to be healed/fulfilled solely by other human beings.

But I guess that guy kinda deserved everything he got: he fell in love with the way she looked.

Ah, woe! The God-ordained order of things are being overturned!

spellbound

2007-06-23T13:36:00.000+08:00

spellbound
~~~~~~~~

I sit, spellbound, at his feet,
as words at once strange and sweet,
stream forth from the poet's soul,
words with which my heart he stole.

Bound by chains no eye can see,
the magic too strong for me,
caught fast in the poet's thrall,
irresistibly, I fall.

He does not notice me there
(at his feet), nor would he care,
yet I am content to be
there, listening, silently.

Aphrodite, calling

2007-06-23T13:33:00.000+08:00

Aphrodite, calling
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this is not love:
this insane, unreasoning passion
crushing, leaving me

helpless

and drowning
under the weight of its tempestuous waves
craving to breathe words

desperate

for the very taste of them on my tongue.
this is the madness of Aphrodite, calling;
the song in Sappho's ears as she leapt

into eternity

Beware the Visor!!!

2007-06-22T13:18:00.000+08:00

It was just a matter of time. I knew it in my heart. I just didn't know when, or where.

But today, it happened. One of my worst fears came true.

I was on my way to the mechanic's to get my engine oil changed, driving along. Suddenly, from behind the visor on my side, a baby giant spider came crawling out!!! It was one of those jungle spiders, whose relatives had been consistently visiting me in my bathroom/bedroom. Thank God that it wasn't fully grown, but even so, it was terrifying! Bigger than the normal variety you usually have in your homes, the size of half my palm, thick legs, frightening, the stuff of nightmares.

I always thought that spiders in the bathroom/bedroom were bad, but guess what? This beats them all!!! At least I had space to maneuver and run away then. But in a car, while driving, there's no space to do anything except pray and hope that it wouldn't crawl on to my hand or leg.

It was so close, crawling down from the visor, along the side of the windshield, mere inches away from my hand and leg!!! It took all the willpower and calmness I had in me not to let go of the steering wheel and start climbing away, or brake suddenly. There were cars behind me, and thank God thank God thank God the spider didn't crawl on me, because if it did, the engine oil change wouldn't be the only thing I had to see the mechanic about.

And thank God, too, that it appeared around 100 meters away from a petrol station. I stopped my car and when I opened my door, there it was, hiding in the space between!!! It quickly scuttled underneath my car, and I continued driving to the mechanic's, all the way praying that it wouldn't drop on me suddenly or make another appearance in the interior of my car.

Needless to say, my skin was crawling and I was utterly terrified.

I reached the mechanic's and told them about my unwanted passenger, and they kindly searched underneath and sprayed insecticide - though I was afraid it might backfire and cause the spider to seek refuge inside my car again in its haste to escape the noxious fumes.

I gingerly conducted a search in the front and back spaces of my car, as well as in the trunk, but found no spider. Not that its absence comforted me at all - those little buggers are really clever at hiding.

The thing is, of all the 3 cars in the porch - why mine???!!! In all the bathrooms and bedrooms in the house - why mine???!!! WHY ME???!!!

Every once in a while, they will appear. It's only a matter of time. Maybe I should start noting the dates, maybe this will help me "predict" the next appearance.

I really, really, really, really, really hate it, all these encounters.

:(

Oh, yeah, and thanks very much for all who received my S.O.S message and prayed for me. And if any of you wanna keep me in your prayers, please pray that I'll be rid of these spider encounters! I'm so sick of them.

:(

Irony?

2007-06-20T16:38:00.000+08:00

Solomon brought Pharaoh's daughter up from the City of David to the palace he had built for her, for he said, "My wife must not live in the palace of David king of Israel, because the places the ark of the LORD has entered are holy." - 2 Chronicles 8:11

Solomon doesn't want his wife to be in the holy places.......yet he married her. Ironic, ain't it? Even if it was a purely political step, it showed that he didn't fully trust in God to watch over the nation. Double-standards.

How many of us live with these double-standards in our lives? Ladies: do you have any item of clothing you wouldn't wear to church/wouldn't want God to see you in, and yet you wear them to other places?

Do we secretly listen to certain types of music, or read certain kinds of books, which we would be embarassed to share with our Christian friends? (Confession: I did!)

Every aspect of our lives must be consecrated to God.

Ask yourself this, if you're not too sure if what you're doing is right or wrong: If Jesus catches me doing this, will He be pleased? If your conscience nags you, you should stop doing it.

By the way, a reminder - God knows what you're doing. Nothing's hidden from Him.

Healing

2007-06-19T20:08:00.000+08:00

All my life, without conscious realization, I've felt unworthy and inadequate. I was always waiting to mess things up, waiting to screw up. Always angry and depressed. I was afraid of life.

After accepting Jesus as my Lord and Saviour, things eased up for a bit and I gained a measure of peace. But it was not over. I would often sink into depression, and hate myself every minute of it. I wanted to get out of it, but it was hard. Prayer and God's Word would help - until the next attack.

I wondered if there was something wrong with me, because no Spirit-filled Christian who has a saving relationship with Jesus should be like this. Right? Wrong.

Last night I read "Healing For Damaged Emotions" by David Seamands, and although it was a second reading, this time it was as if I was reading it for the first time. God really 'spoke' to me through this book last night.

Guess what? I'm 'normal' after all! Even Christians go through depression! And I'm not the only one feeling the way I do. :)

Anyway, the main thing, the liberating thing, is that I've diagnosed my problem. Now that I know what it is, know that it can be gotten rid of, I can take the first step towards complete inner healing.

Joy and Chun Chung - thank you very very much for responding to my S.O.S and praying with me. I love you guys!

I feel lighter, freer.

God is faithful, because even as I type this, I remember someone telling me a few months back when he prayed for me that he saw a white dove - peace.

He is beginning His work to peel off and heal the second layer. :) Hallelujah!

Thought of the Day

2007-06-19T16:51:00.000+08:00

Human beings are quick to ask "Why don't I have enough?"

Why don't we ever ask "Why do I have so much?"

True, I don't drive a Jaguar. But at least I have a car to drive.

I can't afford expensive, designer clothes, but I have clothes to wear.

I don't own mansions or holiday homes, but I have a roof over my head.

I have more than enough, actually.

2007-06-17T14:32:00.000+08:00

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave... - 1 Kings 19:11-13

A touch of grace, at once lovely and mysterious, stirred within my heart when I read this passage.

There is a deep, profound beauty, an awesome epiphany (theophany?) in the way God showed Himself to Elijah. He did not choose an awe-inspiring form, nor a terrifying one; instead He came in gentleness.

He was not in the 'great and powerful wind', not in His glorious splendour, but He showed Himself to Elijah the way He knew Elijah needed to see Him - a gentle, loving, comforting God.

In the preceding verses, Elijah was dispirited because his work seemed to be in vain. The circumstances in which he found himself were "hopeless".

God reminded Elijah through an awesome display of elemental forces that He was, and always will be, in control - the wind, the earthquake, the fire were an affirmation that God is mighty and powerful. And yet, though He is able to do all the great things, ultimately, the greatest of His attributes is love.

Above all, He comforted Elijah when he was weary; He strengthened Elijah, refreshed him once more. He was there when Elijah needed Him.

That He is so is such a blessing to humanity, and a cause for great thankfulness.

Who would want to worship a powerful but indifferent god, who might be able to grant your wishes and fulfill your prayers but not love you? What we want is not always what's best for us, and only a cruel being would fulfill our wishes knowing that they would be harmful to us.

2007-06-16T15:14:00.000+08:00

I have only words to offer you:
words pure, and true, and empty
words utterly inadequate.

These eyes have wept for you
tears of joy, tears of sorrow and of anxiety
tears of the ashen-souled.

This heart is not mine to give.
Even so, it is yours; yours
to keep, to bury, and to break.

Getting My @$$ Kicked

2007-06-14T18:24:00.000+08:00

Who could've ever thought that getting your @$$ kicked could be so much fun?

And no, I'm not a sadomasochist (hmm...).

I'm talking about Soul Calibur 3!!! Whooooo hoooooo.

If I sound high, I probably am. Talk about a perfect afternoon of family bonding!

I started off losing - not too familiar with the controls and what they do! - and then I caught up, and then I lost again. I'm trailing...but man, can't wait to play again!

Addicted, who, me?

Useless Circles

2007-06-13T14:10:00.000+08:00

going round and round in useless circles, endlessly.

She feels stuck in a loop, being rewound over and over and over again. Going through the motions, a mundane, mind-numbing routine.

Her life a VHS cassette in a digital world.

A sickening sense of déjà vu pervading her life. No space for growth, no space for newness, no space for anything but the rut she is caught in.

Stagnant.

She is

Soledad Reminisces

2007-06-13T13:48:00.000+08:00

I miss

that cold silence
fractured by strained conversation
and awkward pauses

neglected hugs
kisses of pettiness and rage
to fill the ashen-souled

loving curses
whispered in screams
insecurity measured in caring doses

it scares me
it leaves me confused
to feel whole and happy

I miss home

Missionary? Maybe not.

2007-06-11T11:29:00.000+08:00

Inspired by Amy Carmichael, I used to want to be a missionary.

Then I picked up a copy of the May issue of National Geographic, and there was an article on Dharavi, a slum in Mumbai.

Seeing the pictures and reading their captions, my first thought was Dear God please don't send me there! - to my great shame. It was then that I knew that I wasn't called to be a missionary...or at least, not yet anyway.

2007-06-11T11:22:00.000+08:00

Things I need to learn:

1) Grace - I have to learn to be more gracious towards others, and even myself.

2) Forgiveness - There's someone I need to forgive. It's hard, but possible.

3) Love - I need to love others more.

4) Humility - I forget God sometimes.

5) Patience - Never a strong suit.

6) Perseverance - I've always been too easily depressed, too eager to look at the wind and waves rather than keep my eyes on Jesus.

7) Hope - Cynicism and despair are very familiar acquaintances. Gotta kick 'em outta my life.

Breath Of Life

2007-06-11T10:55:00.000+08:00

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. - 2 Corinthians 1:20

Last night was an amazing night: God breathed His life back into the dying.

The prayer meeting was extremely encouraging and refreshing, and taught me again for the nth time to trust in Him even when - no, especially when - circumstances seem hopeless.

God touched many hearts last night in the prayer meeting. He reminded us once more of His love, care and provision. There was such hope, such joy - enough to sustain all of us to continue doing His work. That verse in 2 Corinthians 1:20 kept flashing through my head, except that I forgot where it was from.

And I feel so incredibly proud of V, because listening to her pray, I can see the growth that is taking place in her life. Her love for God is increasing day by day, and it shows. Her confidence, too, in praying aloud.

When we worshipped, it was so glorious, and I remember thinking that this was only worship on earth, that one day we will be singing His praises in front of Him, literally, in new bodies, and with all others from around the world and throughout all the ages who love Him as well!

Now that's Heaven.

Can't Please Everyone

2007-06-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

There's no way you can please everyone and make them happy.

I have good intentions, but sometimes in carrying them out, I stumble and mess up. With my limited wisdom, I do what I think is best, but it's not - or at least, not according to those around me. And what happens? I get to take the fall.

Then there are times when people misconstrue the things I do, and color it according to their own (wrong) interpretations...and guess what? I take the fall again.

I get so sick of people gossiping about me, talking about me, poking their long noses into my business when it's not welcome in the first place. And the reason they're so curious about what goes on in my life is not because of any love for me, but because they're plain busybodies.

Sickening, that's what they are.....if I let them get to me, that is.

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. - Galatians 1:10

...We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts. - 1 Thessalonians 2:4

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. - Proverbs 29:25

So, just keep trusting in God and stick close to Him.

:(

2007-06-08T15:58:00.000+08:00

Depressing day today. Chun Chung's leaving.

:(

No more long talks over lunch about everything and anything.

No more mentor.

No more deep insight, different perspective and wisdom.

No more lame or funny anecdotes.

No more Chun Chung in Penang.

:(

I'll miss you so much!!!

:(

By the way, don't forget about the photo-journal project, yeah? I still wanna do it someday. And you owe us lasagna.......

Keep in touch, and I'm still expecting a wedding invitation from you!

Thanks for all. You've been a great blessing in my life.

2007-06-08T11:31:00.000+08:00

Part of the human problem today is the systematic and widespread breakdown of the family unit.

More and more, I encounter people from broken homes. Divorce is as common as fleas on a stray. Single-parent families are mushrooming at an alarming rate.

It's a telling sign of how far we've strayed from God. We no longer accept His blueprint for family life, and we disregard the roles He has designated for us.

"Submission" is a dirty word, and the "modern" woman worth her salt would never be caught dead submitting to her husband. It's a sign of "weakness". Women rule. Men, if they love their wives, should listen to and obey everything they say.

Why has it become this way?

Because, like love, the concept of submission has been distorted by this world. It's portrayed as demeaning, debasing, inhuman, weak.....archaic. This argument definitely appeals to a person's misguided pride.

I know many women who try to rule, who bridle at the concept of submitting to their husbands, but they don't have a happy marriage. The home becomes a battle ground, children the casualty. That sacred relationship between husband and wife is wrecked, replaced with a "battle of the sexes" mentality.

Of course, the women complain that they don't respect their husbands. Then why marry him in the first place? Never marry a man you cannot submit to.

And then the men's part in all this: they get confused between "submission" and "slavery". The whole Me-Tarzan-you-Jane thing comes into play. Yes, sure, wives are supposed to submit to their husbands, but men are supposed to love their wives as well.

Love their wives, not as a miser loves his gold, not as a man taking pride in his luxury car or prize-winning thoroughbred, but as they love their own bodies, the way Christ loves the church.

Sadly, some men mistake their headship as carte blanche to be jerks. Puffed up by the idea of leadership, they assume their wives are nothing more than chattel or servants.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. - Ephesians 5:22-30

God's Gracious Gift

2007-06-06T15:59:00.000+08:00

As a general rule, I dislike "picking up" after people, being left to clean up their mess or worse, getting saddled with their responsibilities. Helping someone out is one thing, but having to take over that person's role because s/he is plain lazy is another thing altogether.

However, there is an exception to this: puppy-duty. :)

My cousin has a puppy, which needs to be fed from a baby milk bottle, and it's one of the best "jobs" ever!

That cute butterball bundle of fat with a round little tum has the ability to make even the grouchiest, grumpiest person smile, trust me on this one.

And he won't drink the milk immediately either! He'll play with it for awhile, testing your patience, and when he senses that his quota of cuteness is almost up, he'll begin to drink in earnest. He has this endearing idiosyncrasy of "playing" with the bottle: his forepaws will be scrabbling away like mad at it while he's drinking, unless you begin to scratch his back and tummy - then his furious activity will cease, but only for a short moment.

Next to salvation and grace, I think dogs are God's best gifts to the human race.

lodestar

2007-06-06T15:58:00.000+08:00

Night is the dominion of dreams.
Stretching back, to see stars spread
endlessly across the velvet sky,
a design my mind can never grasp.

You: a constellation unto yourself.
A glimmering mystery I cannot comprehend,
the lodestar, the enigma
to which I am drawn.

I cup the reflected stars
in my palm, reverently.
This is the closest I get to you.
And then the water trickles through...

rain {starblossoms}

2007-06-06T15:55:00.000+08:00

rain {starblossoms}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tonight it will rain starblossoms of fire, and they will call
upon altars dedicated to the three-fold law:
back upon you in terrible madness
and in stern retribution
if you fall

there was a time when thunder brought promises of rain
and life: the sacred dream of sleeping seed, a blessing
to each blade of grass; and we danced
a joyous celebration under
abundant skies

and we come gladly, naked in nativity, baskets, cornucopias
teeming with vitality; spring thaw, burst rivers proclaiming
the absence of war, famine, and the pestilence
of human misery swimming
for the shore

we had nothing to fear from the skies, but now there's a roar
from different thunder: of bronze skies splitting open,
raining death from strange storms
coming to scorch our patch
of Eden

tonight it will rain starblossoms from an unearthly sky;
tomorrow we will fall to the ground and weep
to have found eternal song; we will pray,
pray in devotion and sleep
the peaceful sleep

© Jason Morales & sleepypurplepiglet

Encouragement

2007-06-05T18:42:00.000+08:00

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9

Came at the right moment, this verse did, just when I got tired of trying to save all the people who willingly tie themselves to railway tracks and fight me off when I try to pull them away.

Bahasa Malaysia!

2007-06-05T11:31:00.000+08:00

So, Bahasa Malaysia turned into Bahasa Melayu and back into Bahasa Malaysia again.

Everyone's happy about it, because it makes us feel good, feel united, part of something larger than ourselves. National pride and patriotism and all that.

It's so nice to feel such unity, especially this close to elections...

=)

Whitewashed Walls

2007-06-05T10:13:00.000+08:00

The article "Veiled ambition" by Pakinam Amer in page T14 of Startwo, The Star, Tuesday, 5th June 2007 touches upon the difficulties Saudi women face in their community.

In Saudi society, "mixing" is not allowed, i.e a strict separation between men and women is observed.

It is written that - and I quote - "a group of Islamic scholars issued a fatwa (Islamic mandate) denouncing jobs in which women communicated with male strangers."

It goes on to say that women suffered from occasional harassment by clients who tried to flirt. "Some male callers step out of line when they hear a woman's voice on the other end," says a female call center employee. (The italicized parts indicate direct excerpt from article).

So, okay, let me test my understanding (italicized parts also excerpts from the article):

1) Women are oppressed socio-economically. They are discouraged from working in any other fields except medicine, nursing, and teaching in segregated environments. They are banned from driving. Girls get their education in isolated classes across most high schools and universities, but the number of approved subjects is restricted.

2) Men are free to flirt with women they come across. I can't help but wonder if it's because they think that the women they encounter are "unsupervised" and therefore (for the lack of a better term) "loose"?

If they want so much to protect women, why not issue a fatwa that men aren't allowed to flirt? Why not decree that men should learn to respect women? Because from what's written, it is obvious that the men are treating the women condescendingly and disrespectfully.

Can external rules and regulations really help much in curbing crime and sin, when a person's thoughts and attitude remain corrupted and disrespectful, when he is not taught to control his own desires?

Making rules is only a way of denying and suppressing needs and root issues, not dealing with them, which ultimately won't solve anything.

Harassment

2007-06-05T09:04:00.000+08:00

This past Friday, I was with Joy and Jonn at a mamak place, and had one of the most unpleasant encounters in my life, ever.

I was talking to Jonn when I realized that four men over at the next table kept looking towards me and/or Joy. They had the most lascivious, lecherous, perverted smirks on their faces you could ever imagine.

And in that instant, fully clothed though I was, I felt so unsafe and naked. My skin literally crawled.

It did not help that they laughed when they knew we were aware that they were watching.

By the way, I'm not overreacting or being "too sensitive". Joy and Jonn felt it too.

Know this: both Joy and I were decently dressed. We were wearing long-sleeved tops and jeans. We did not expose anything. And yet we were harassed by a bunch of vile, disgusting beasts.

Right at that moment, after that initial surge of fear, I felt such rage at them. I wanted so much to smash their stupid faces into sizzling hot plates and knee them in the groin, to wipe that smirk off their faces.

Even just by recounting that incident, it evokes the same vulnerability and rage I was subject to that day.

The saddest part of this whole incident is that they got away scot free after visually molesting me and/or Joy. And I know that if we'd actually tried to lodge a police report that night, we couldn't have because the laws in Malaysia just don't respect women enough. We would probably have been told to just "go home and forget it, and maybe next time you should cover yourself up...and girls shouldn't be out at night anyway."

Nothing will be done, and nothing can be done, not with the attitude most Malaysian MPs have anyway. If a woman is raped or sexually harassed, it's all her fault. She was "asking for it", or maybe her dressing is too "revealing". It seems to escape the notice of those who are elected that little girls and old women are raped as well...and so was a fully-clothed, tudung-wearing girl on a bus a few years back.

So, keep blaming the women for tempting men. Blame your lack of self-control, lack of respect for women, lack of any morality whatsoever, blame your corrupted thoughts and desires on women. It's easier to justify your filthiness rather than change your attitudes...besides, a change of attitude means you can't go on being perverts, which is something (most) men won't give up.

Gas Tank Marked "Full"

2007-06-05T08:45:00.000+08:00

I love driving, that feeling of freedom and action, of going somewhere, especially when the gas tank is full. There's something almost pure and unsullied about the act of driving itself (notwithstanding other road drivers and/or the price of gas) which I cherish, especially on quiet, empty roads.

And when I say I love to drive, I mean it literally, excluding the thought of parking, and other bugbears. It's that feeling I have when I'm behind the steering wheel, which is unbeatable.

My only regret is that my faithful little car, brave and steadfast though she is, lacks the necessary engine power, but she makes up for it by her maneuverability.

I love her very much, pokiness and all, and I will definitely miss her when the time comes for us to part.

2007-06-04T20:56:00.000+08:00

Shovelling emotional crap builds up spiritual muscle.

Much More Will Be Asked

2007-06-04T20:24:00.000+08:00

The LORD said to Moses, "Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink. So Moses took the staff from the LORD's presence, just as he commanded him. He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, "Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?" Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank. But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them." - Numbers 20:7-12

Elsewhere in Deuteronomy 32:51-52, the LORD said, "This is because both of you broke faith with me in the presence of the Israelites at the waters of Meribah Kadesh in the Desert of Zin and because you did not uphold my holiness among the Israelites. Therefore, you will see the land only from a distance; you will not enter the land I am giving to the people of Israel."

Pretty harsh, huh? I was always puzzled at this severe decree from God. Why deny Moses entry into the Promised Land, all because of a seemingly small transgression? In fact, I couldn't even discern what Moses did which the LORD took as 'breaking faith'.

After all, God loved Moses so much, and Moses had been - up till Meribah anyway - utterly faithful. Why, Moses even spoke with God face-to-face! Surely God could overlook such a teensy flaw in His leader?

Human beings are definitely more likely and willing to overlook misdeeds in leaders and favorite people, anyway.

But Jesus says: "That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. - Luke 12:47-48

Quite a different perspective, huh?

The more you know of God, the more you'll be held accountable for not obeying Him. The closer you are to Him, the 'harsher' He will be when dealing with you.

It's wonderful how God turns worldly wisdom and human ways upside down.

Things To Do Before I Die

2007-06-04T18:08:00.000+08:00

I'm stuck in college, because someone's blocking my car...

Here's a list of things I wanna do before I die, off the top of my head in no particular order:

1) Bungee-jump.

2) Go hiking.

3) Watch the sun rise.

4) Learn to cook and bake.

5) Get a diving license. Or go snorkelling.

6) Get a dog.

7) Start a shelter for abused animals/strays/abused children and women.

8) Play in the rain.

9) Learn to dance.

10) Go whitewater rafting.

11) Visit Italy, Greece, Switzerland, Africa.

12) Re-learn how to drive stick shift.

13) Drive a Jaguar (doesn't even have to be mine...) and as many gorgeous cars as I can.

2007-06-04T13:40:00.000+08:00

The past week was a pretty bad one for me personally - an old friend came calling, a friend by the name of Depression. He brought along with him a few others as well, and being the ever-gracious hostess, I set out chairs for them, welcomed them, made them at home.

Not the wisest thing to do.

Anyway, this extreme depression continued until Thursday night. I was discouraged by the low attendance in the prayer meeting, and I honestly didn't feel like going at all.

Thank God I did.

Celia began, and when it was my turn I thanked God for the opportunity to gather and pray, and most importantly for the fact that no matter how crappy and wearying our day can get, in the end He is always there to listen to us, and love us, and comfort us.

When I started praying that, it was more of a rote thing, not heartfelt. But halfway through, something amazing happened. I felt the words change the situation, felt my heart and spirit stir within me. I felt a quiet joy, and peace filling me up.

That was quite enough to scare away all the unwanted guests lodging in my head and heart.

And I've been on the mend ever since, though doubtless they'll be back, now just lurking and biding their time.

Hopefully I'll learn the next time they come knocking again.

Yeah, uh-huh...right.

2007-06-04T13:33:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, a friend's mother complimented me, saying, among other things, that I "stood out" because I was confident and self-assured.

Apparently, I'm really good at faking it.

The 'Naaman' Complex

2007-06-01T22:09:00.000+08:00

There was this guy called Naaman who was a big hotshot in Aram - commander of the army, in fact - who suffered from leprosy. He heard of a man who could cure him, and went to see this healer, i.e. Elisha.

Now, Elisha did this: Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, "Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed." (2 Kings 5:10)

You'd think Naaman would be overjoyed. Hey, all I need to do is go have a dip in the Jordan! Yay! At least, that's what I'd think. Do you know the cost of medical consultation nowadays? They charge you an arm, a leg, and maybe your left kidney. And that's just for consultation. But I digress.

Anyway, this Naaman, see what he did: But Naaman went away angry and said, "I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than any of the waters of Israel? Couldn't I wash in them and be cleansed?" So he turned and went off in a rage. (2 Kings 5:11-12)

Naaman was willing to forsake the cure, all because God didn't quite work in the way Naaman expected Him to.

See what happened next: Naaman's servants went to him and said, "My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, 'Wash and be cleansed'!" So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy. (2 Kings 5:13-14)

Thank God for wise people around us!

The main thing is, I wonder how many Christians today suffer from the Naaman complex, i.e wanting and waiting to do something big for God, but not willing to do small and seemingly unimportant things?

Worshipping God means obeying Him, no matter how little He requires of us. Even cleaning toilets is an act of worship, if you have the right heart.