Exam Fever

Every year, it's the same thing.

My face breaks out, all the pimples happily set free from wherever they were kept, joyfully having free reign over my face. I eat more, craving then chewing.

I study, feverishly reading notes for the first time. It's funny how people never, ever believe me when I tell them I haven't studied! I mean what I say, literally. Maybe it's because they always see me in the library or around in college. But if they actually observe me, they'll find that I'd be doing sudoku, or reading the paper, or blogging, or doing a thousand other tiny, unimportant, procrastinatory things. It's the same at home too. I'd have the best intentions to start studying, but suddenly my bed will look so inviting, and a 20-minute nap will grow monstrously into a 2-hour sleep. Why do you think I call myself the sleepypurplepiglet? Then there are novels to be read, pimples to be popped, nails to cut, stuff to arrange, et al.

But I digress.

Yes, it's the dreaded EXAM MONTH again!

Every year, I tell myself that never, ever again will I study last minute, that I won't procrastinate, that I will start revising and studying the moment I receive the lecturers' notes.

And every year, as a new term begins, I procrastinate in fulfilling my promise to myself.

*sigh* Yes, I am suffering from what is known as ALS - Acute Laziness Syndrome.

I know, I know. It's bad. I'm working on it! This is one thing I fear will be even harder to get rid of than my anger.

Oh well. Gotta go study now. I've finally learnt my lesson. Also, I haven't touched Company Law yet...

Erase You

If I could
I would
erase you
from my consciousness
so that
my dreams
and thoughts
would be free
of you.
I would cut you off
from my heart
and
burn the memories
through
with an acetylene torch.
Cauterize my soul.
But
you are like
a ghost
which
refuses to be
exorcised...

A Miracle-Working God

Yes, those Bible stories where God works miracles are so wonderful - blinding the eyes of those who mean harm to His people so they could escape, the jar of oil which never ran dry - but they're just events which happened to people in olden days, right? God only worked then, in Biblical times. Christianity is outdated. In fact, God has no relevance in modern society today. We have Science, which disproves miracles.

God is outmoded, right?

Wrong.

Our God is eternal, and He never changes. And He still works miracles, where there is faith.

Cornelia ten Boom and her sister Betsie, during World War II, were sent to Ravensbruck, a concentration camp. All prisoners had to remove their clothes and go to the showers, where they were then given thin prison clothes to wear.

They were worried as they had to give the guards all their possesions; the sisters wanted to keep their Bible and a bottle of drops for Betsie's health with them, but there didn't seem to be a way.

Suddenly, Betsie had to go to the toilet again - her stomach had been giving her problems due to the conditions which she was subjected to. A guard rudely told them to go to the showers and use the drain, instead of showing them to a proper toilet.

They had no choice but to obey. Then Corrnelia spied some benches. She hurriedly took the Bible, the bottle of drops, and a sweater and stuffed them out of sight among the benches.

They went back out to stand in line. Each was stripped of all they had, and walked to the showers naked.

After the shower, they had to put on the thin prison garb. Cornelia bundled up the Bible, the bottle, and the sweater, and wore them underneath her dress. But the dress was so thin, the bundle so conspicuous. Surely the guards would see!

She walked out of the shower. The women prisoners were searched once more by the guards. Astonishingly, the guards did not touch her. The woman in front of her, and Betsie, who was behind her, were searched. But the guards only rudely told her to move on as she was blocking the line!

Such a jaw-dropping display of God's power.

Then there was that bottle of drops. As it was a small bottle, Cornelia tended to hoard it up for her sister, but she could not find it in her heart to refuse those who asked because they needed it desperately too. Cornelia was anxious; she worried that they would run out of that medicine. It's such a small bottle, she thought, and there are so many of them. How could it last?

Again, Jehovah Jireh provided. That bottle never ran out. Drop by drop, it kept producing the much-needed medicine for all who asked. Beyond all human logic, it did not run out.

One day, a kind-hearted nurse managed to smuggle in some medicine for the women. Cornelia was overjoyed - extra medicine for the sick! She told Betsie that they would use up the drops in the bottle first. But no matter how she tilted and turned the bottle, it did not produce any more drops.

Such a great testimony of God's gracious provision!

Only when human strength runs out can God be truly glorified.

Thank God For The Fleas!

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I'd been reading The Hiding Place, Cornelia ten Boom's story of wartime Holland, during the occupation by the Nazis. This courageous lady, together with her family and a few friends, helped shelter persecuted Jews.

Besides being amazing examples of God's grace and power, this lady and her sister, Betsie ten Boom, taught me a valuable lesson.

They were arrested for helping the Jews, beaten, imprisoned, and later sent to Ravensbruck, a concentration camp for women. The conditions there were horrific, packed full, dirty. The bunks were overflowing beyond the maximum capacity, and worst of all there were fleas on every bunk! The whole room was literally flea-infested, and those poor women had to live there.

Corrie complained; she was worried for the health of her sister Betsie. That they were together in the first place was nothing less than God's hand at work. But I digress. Anyway, Betsie suddenly reminded Corrie of the Bible verses they'd read just that morning: Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

So they began to thank God that they'd been sent to Ravensbruck together, that they'd managed to smuggle in a Bible by God's active help...then Betsie did the unthinkable. She thanked God for the fleas.

Naturally, Corrie protested. Why thank God for something so awful?! Betsie gently reminded her sister that the Bible said to thank God in all circumstances, not just pleasant circumstances.

The sisters managed to conduct Bible 'classes'; they set aside a time for worship and Bible-reading. The women who shared that bunk eagerly looked forward to this time of 'freedom'. This was the one place, in their bunks, where the security was lax. For some reason, the guards left them unguarded, where otherwise their every move will be watched by eagle-eyed officers.

Some time later, Betsie learnt of a wonderful truth - the guards left the bunks unguarded and absolutely refused to step into the rooms because of the fleas!

Once again, God worked in an unpredictable manner. Because of the fleas, they could conduct those worship sessions and spread the Good News! As a result, many women were saved!

So next time you face an uncomfortable situation, thank God. Everytime you're going through tough times, thank God. In all circumstances, give thanks to our awesome God!

Let us enter His gates with praise and thanksgiving!

Apostasy

I thought that no one, having truly experienced Jesus Christ and His love and peace, could ever leave Him. In fact, I was sure of it. Why would people want to leave something good, right?

But then I read about Charles Templeton.

Touched by God at a young age, all afire for Him, and then suffered from a crisis of faith. The classic case of worldly wisdom masquerading as 'intellectual thinking' versus (supposedly) blind faith. If God exists, why is there evil in this world?

*sigh*

It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace. - Hebrews 6:4-6

So there is a possibility that I could fall away from my faith! It all boils down to what choices I make.

A friend, self-styled Christian, did question me about what he termed as my blind faith. He asked me what if I was wrong, what if we're believing in something which isn't true.

I told him he wasn't a Christian. Not the right thing to do, maybe, but if he doubts the foundation of Christianity, how can he be Christian? If he's not sure of his faith, why believe at all?

I don't understand how he can believe in something in which he's not sure of. My mind cannot fit that piece of information in (maybe it's too small). I'm worried that he will, like Charles Templeton, fall away, that he will let Satan deceive him, let the devil's lies sway him and blind him until repentance is no longer possible.

Of course, this doesn't mean that I've never doubted at all. I've wondered, and questioned, sometimes without receiving answers.

At the end of the day, it's what I choose to do: to let my mind and human wisdom gain primacy and reject God or to continue trusting in Him.

Guess which option I choose?

No human wisdom - no matter how seductive it appears - can ever compare to what I know of my Lord and Savior. No intellectual arguments can stand against His perfect love for me!

If you're a Christian and have doubts - all well and fine. Pray about it, ask God to lead you through. After all, being Christian doesn't mean being stupid or blind, because we are made in His image.

But always, always remember what Christ has done for you. Once you look to Jesus, fix your heart and eyes firmly on Him instead of looking to the world, then it's so hard to remember what you doubted about Him in the first place!

The world behind me
The Cross before me
No turning back
No turning back...

My Christian Faith

Are you a Christian because the people around you are Christians?

Am I like that? A Christian as a result of circumstances, talking the talk but not really knowing what it's all about?

A Christian only when I'm surrounded by Christians, for convenience and comfort, to fit in with my friends? If I were surrounded by non-Christians, would I stop living a life consecrated to God and adopt the ways of the people around me?

Faced with these thought-provoking questions which touch upon the very core of my faith, there is only one answer I can give.

No!

With a joyful heart I can truthfully say that I am a Christian because I love Jesus! And because He called me to Him, by His grace.

I recognize and cherish His love for me, demonstrated on the Cross so faithfully. That wonderful love which is so quick to forgive sincere, repentant sinners; the love which causes Him to weep with us and to bind up our wounds and heal our broken hearts; that love which comforts us; that perfect, unconditional love which sees us through our darkest trials and leads us out victoriously, even though it was through our own fault we were there in the first place.

Love, mercy, and grace eternal!

How could I respond to this perfect love with anything less than utter gratefulness? How could I give Him anything less than my whole heart and soul, my total allegiance - my life?

I recognize Him as my Lord, my Savior, my Master, my Friend.

I love Jesus!

Though no one follows

Still I will follow

No turning back

No turning back...

Stereotyped!

Certain groups of small-minded people are pathetically cretinous. They stereotype just basically everyone who isn't part of their little, sad clique.

If you're a girl, and single, and you have close girl friends - you're lesbian.

If you're a girl, and single, and have close guy friends - you're a flirt/slut.

If you're a girl, and single, with no close friends - you're an arrogant b****, and there must be something wrong with you.

If you're a girl with a boyfriend, and have lots of guy friends - you're also a slut.

If you're a girl with a boyfriend, they'll look for other things about you to gossip about.

*sigh* Some people absolutely lack imagination. Or lives. I guess they turn out to be those extremely gossipy old aunts. But wait! There are some guys who are part of that clique too!

Isn't that sad?

I just wonder, don't they have better things to do?

As Eleanor Roosevelt so eloquently put it -

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.

These particular moronic people have such tiny minds, one probably couldn't even see their brains using a microscope.

Who, me, lesbian?!

Yea, me, lesbian. Apparently, there are rumors circulating around the institute of higher learning where I'm stuck at that I'm lesbian.

I guess not wearing skirts/dresses, not having a boyfriend, and being really good friends with girls earned me that 'reputation'.

Kinda unfair, I think. I'm labelled a lesbian just because I don't wear pink, because I don't flirt, and most of all because I don't act like an air-headed bimbo? Oh, wait. Scratch that term 'air-headed'. 'Empty-headed' would do better, because air is after all something, while the correct description of those who speculate about my sexual orientation would be closer to a vacuum in between the ears.

Well, forgive me if I don't giggle senselessly like a brainless Barbie doll or sway my ass when I walk. Sorry that I don't date just any male which comes my way, that I actually have certain standards when it concerns the person whom I'm gonna share my life with.

To all you people who speculate about me - or gossip about any other people, for that matter - I have one piece of advice for you: please do this world a favor, and go beg, borrow or steal if you have to, but just go GET A LIFE! Wait, do you even know what a life is, in the first place?

I guess not, since you spend your lack of a life talking about others'. Oh well.

The Ultimate Blur Queen!!!

I've always been blur before, but I never knew the extent of my blurness!!!

These past few months, I've been wondering why my posts attracted zero comments at all. Usually at least Sin Yee, Joy and Alisha would leave comments.

I was puzzled, but thought maybe they were too busy.

Then yesterday, I had a conversation with Trish. And she said that I'd set my blog to moderate comments.

No! I protested. But YES!...it was true.

*sigh* Sometimes, my own blurness astounds me. And there have been people who commented, whom I'd dearly love to get to know better - Mariam, Andres, Danae, Debra - who must've thought that I am a seriously rude person. To these people - I'm sorry!!! Truly sorry!!!

Thanks to all who have been reading my blog (relatively) faithfully! I appreciate it.

And to all the anonymous people who commented, I'd like it if you identified yourself with at least a name, so I can get to know you better. Thanks for the feedback! :) Feel free to disagree with my posts.

Oh, and to you nasty people who know me - at least, I assume you do because your comments have a personal flavor to it - and leave anonymous comments, please grow up. I have nothing against you hating me, but at least have the decency (or maybe GUTS would be a better word) to come up to me and tell me what I did to get your undies in a twist.