3 movies I've waited for, this year.

The first, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, was disappointing.

The second, Shrek 3, was a let-down.

The third, Transformers, was AWESOME!!!!!!!

Okay, so the storyline wasn't extremely impressive. It is an action movie, after all.

But man...watching the Autobots and Decepticons transform...all the action scenes...and Josh Duhamel, mustn't forget Josh Duhamel...whooooooooo...ultimate movie high! Such an adrenaline rush...still buzzing from it, actually.

I was the loudest in the cinema. I think I made a lot of enemies there and then, and embarassed the heck out of my friends...oh well. It was hard to keep quiet, not with such a great movie!

Slightly bittersweet ending though, and there are still a few things I don't quite get about the plot and itty-bitty pieces of storyline. But who cares? Watching Starscream's battle scene with the fighter jets - heck, in fact all the scenes with the Autobots and Decepticons in it, and Josh Duhamel, mustn't forget him - makes you forget the storyline.

Loopholes? What loopholes?

Have you watched the Korean movie "My Sassy Girl" before? No? Good! Don't even bother. It was pure idiocy.

The story's about a guy who meets a drunken girl one night. He ends up taking care of her that night. The thing is, she later puts him through all sorts of nonsense and yet he sticks around.

Examples:

1) She demanded that he meet her. He did, they went to a cafe, she asked him to order their drinks and yet when he did, she scolded him for his choice and proceeded to order for them. And she made him pay for it.

2) She said that there was no way it could work out between them, yet when another guy asked him if they were a couple and he said no, she got mad at him.

3) She complained that her high-heels were hurting her feet, and wanted them to exchange shoes. The guy readily agreed to give her his shoes, but said that he would walk barefeet and carry her heels. At this, she sulked and walked away. So he put on her high-heels. And as if that wasn't enough, she made him run after her in those heels!

How ridiculous and unreasonably demanding can she get? I don't understand girls like that, who think that making fools out of their boyfriends is some kind of "proof" of love.

I think that she's not even ready for a relationship. The main reason she "loves" that guy is because he makes her feel complete/secure.

I've witnessed relationships like this, and they don't end up pretty. No human being can ever "heal" you completely, and if you're expecting your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse to give you what you lack, it's a disaster because he/she is most likely looking to you to give them something they lack as well.

Human beings just aren't meant to be healed/fulfilled solely by other human beings.

But I guess that guy kinda deserved everything he got: he fell in love with the way she looked.

Ah, woe! The God-ordained order of things are being overturned!

spellbound

spellbound
~~~~~~~~

I sit, spellbound, at his feet,
as words at once strange and sweet,
stream forth from the poet's soul,
words with which my heart he stole.

Bound by chains no eye can see,
the magic too strong for me,
caught fast in the poet's thrall,
irresistibly, I fall.

He does not notice me there
(at his feet), nor would he care,
yet I am content to be
there, listening, silently.

Aphrodite, calling

Aphrodite, calling
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this is not love:
this insane, unreasoning passion
crushing, leaving me

helpless

and drowning
under the weight of its tempestuous waves
craving to breathe words

desperate

for the very taste of them on my tongue.
this is the madness of Aphrodite, calling;
the song in Sappho's ears as she leapt

into eternity

Beware the Visor!!!

It was just a matter of time. I knew it in my heart. I just didn't know when, or where.

But today, it happened. One of my worst fears came true.

I was on my way to the mechanic's to get my engine oil changed, driving along. Suddenly, from behind the visor on my side, a baby giant spider came crawling out!!! It was one of those jungle spiders, whose relatives had been consistently visiting me in my bathroom/bedroom. Thank God that it wasn't fully grown, but even so, it was terrifying! Bigger than the normal variety you usually have in your homes, the size of half my palm, thick legs, frightening, the stuff of nightmares.

I always thought that spiders in the bathroom/bedroom were bad, but guess what? This beats them all!!! At least I had space to maneuver and run away then. But in a car, while driving, there's no space to do anything except pray and hope that it wouldn't crawl on to my hand or leg.

It was so close, crawling down from the visor, along the side of the windshield, mere inches away from my hand and leg!!! It took all the willpower and calmness I had in me not to let go of the steering wheel and start climbing away, or brake suddenly. There were cars behind me, and thank God thank God thank God the spider didn't crawl on me, because if it did, the engine oil change wouldn't be the only thing I had to see the mechanic about.

And thank God, too, that it appeared around 100 meters away from a petrol station. I stopped my car and when I opened my door, there it was, hiding in the space between!!! It quickly scuttled underneath my car, and I continued driving to the mechanic's, all the way praying that it wouldn't drop on me suddenly or make another appearance in the interior of my car.

Needless to say, my skin was crawling and I was utterly terrified.

I reached the mechanic's and told them about my unwanted passenger, and they kindly searched underneath and sprayed insecticide - though I was afraid it might backfire and cause the spider to seek refuge inside my car again in its haste to escape the noxious fumes.

I gingerly conducted a search in the front and back spaces of my car, as well as in the trunk, but found no spider. Not that its absence comforted me at all - those little buggers are really clever at hiding.

The thing is, of all the 3 cars in the porch - why mine???!!! In all the bathrooms and bedrooms in the house - why mine???!!! WHY ME???!!!

Every once in a while, they will appear. It's only a matter of time. Maybe I should start noting the dates, maybe this will help me "predict" the next appearance.

I really, really, really, really, really hate it, all these encounters.

:(

Oh, yeah, and thanks very much for all who received my S.O.S message and prayed for me. And if any of you wanna keep me in your prayers, please pray that I'll be rid of these spider encounters! I'm so sick of them.

:(

Irony?

Solomon brought Pharaoh's daughter up from the City of David to the palace he had built for her, for he said, "My wife must not live in the palace of David king of Israel, because the places the ark of the LORD has entered are holy." - 2 Chronicles 8:11

Solomon doesn't want his wife to be in the holy places.......yet he married her. Ironic, ain't it? Even if it was a purely political step, it showed that he didn't fully trust in God to watch over the nation. Double-standards.

How many of us live with these double-standards in our lives? Ladies: do you have any item of clothing you wouldn't wear to church/wouldn't want God to see you in, and yet you wear them to other places?

Do we secretly listen to certain types of music, or read certain kinds of books, which we would be embarassed to share with our Christian friends? (Confession: I did!)

Every aspect of our lives must be consecrated to God.

Ask yourself this, if you're not too sure if what you're doing is right or wrong: If Jesus catches me doing this, will He be pleased? If your conscience nags you, you should stop doing it.

By the way, a reminder - God knows what you're doing. Nothing's hidden from Him.

Healing

All my life, without conscious realization, I've felt unworthy and inadequate. I was always waiting to mess things up, waiting to screw up. Always angry and depressed. I was afraid of life.

After accepting Jesus as my Lord and Saviour, things eased up for a bit and I gained a measure of peace. But it was not over. I would often sink into depression, and hate myself every minute of it. I wanted to get out of it, but it was hard. Prayer and God's Word would help - until the next attack.

I wondered if there was something wrong with me, because no Spirit-filled Christian who has a saving relationship with Jesus should be like this. Right? Wrong.

Last night I read "Healing For Damaged Emotions" by David Seamands, and although it was a second reading, this time it was as if I was reading it for the first time. God really 'spoke' to me through this book last night.

Guess what? I'm 'normal' after all! Even Christians go through depression! And I'm not the only one feeling the way I do. :)

Anyway, the main thing, the liberating thing, is that I've diagnosed my problem. Now that I know what it is, know that it can be gotten rid of, I can take the first step towards complete inner healing.

Joy and Chun Chung - thank you very very much for responding to my S.O.S and praying with me. I love you guys!

I feel lighter, freer.

God is faithful, because even as I type this, I remember someone telling me a few months back when he prayed for me that he saw a white dove - peace.

He is beginning His work to peel off and heal the second layer. :) Hallelujah!

Thought of the Day

Human beings are quick to ask "Why don't I have enough?"

Why don't we ever ask "Why do I have so much?"

True, I don't drive a Jaguar. But at least I have a car to drive.

I can't afford expensive, designer clothes, but I have clothes to wear.

I don't own mansions or holiday homes, but I have a roof over my head.

I have more than enough, actually.

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave... - 1 Kings 19:11-13

A touch of grace, at once lovely and mysterious, stirred within my heart when I read this passage.

There is a deep, profound beauty, an awesome epiphany (theophany?) in the way God showed Himself to Elijah. He did not choose an awe-inspiring form, nor a terrifying one; instead He came in gentleness.

He was not in the 'great and powerful wind', not in His glorious splendour, but He showed Himself to Elijah the way He knew Elijah needed to see Him - a gentle, loving, comforting God.

In the preceding verses, Elijah was dispirited because his work seemed to be in vain. The circumstances in which he found himself were "hopeless".

God reminded Elijah through an awesome display of elemental forces that He was, and always will be, in control - the wind, the earthquake, the fire were an affirmation that God is mighty and powerful. And yet, though He is able to do all the great things, ultimately, the greatest of His attributes is love.

Above all, He comforted Elijah when he was weary; He strengthened Elijah, refreshed him once more. He was there when Elijah needed Him.

That He is so is such a blessing to humanity, and a cause for great thankfulness.

Who would want to worship a powerful but indifferent god, who might be able to grant your wishes and fulfill your prayers but not love you? What we want is not always what's best for us, and only a cruel being would fulfill our wishes knowing that they would be harmful to us.

I have only words to offer you:
words pure, and true, and empty
words utterly inadequate.

These eyes have wept for you
tears of joy, tears of sorrow and of anxiety
tears of the ashen-souled.

This heart is not mine to give.
Even so, it is yours; yours
to keep, to bury, and to break.

Getting My @$$ Kicked

Who could've ever thought that getting your @$$ kicked could be so much fun?

And no, I'm not a sadomasochist (hmm...).

I'm talking about Soul Calibur 3!!! Whooooo hoooooo.

If I sound high, I probably am. Talk about a perfect afternoon of family bonding!

I started off losing - not too familiar with the controls and what they do! - and then I caught up, and then I lost again. I'm trailing...but man, can't wait to play again!

Addicted, who, me?

Useless Circles

going round and round in useless circles, endlessly.

She feels stuck in a loop, being rewound over and over and over again. Going through the motions, a mundane, mind-numbing routine.

Her life a VHS cassette in a digital world.

A sickening sense of déjà vu pervading her life. No space for growth, no space for newness, no space for anything but the rut she is caught in.

Stagnant.

She is

Soledad Reminisces

I miss

that cold silence
fractured by strained conversation
and awkward pauses

neglected hugs
kisses of pettiness and rage
to fill the ashen-souled

loving curses
whispered in screams
insecurity measured in caring doses

it scares me
it leaves me confused
to feel whole and happy

I miss home

Missionary? Maybe not.

Inspired by Amy Carmichael, I used to want to be a missionary.

Then I picked up a copy of the May issue of National Geographic, and there was an article on Dharavi, a slum in Mumbai.

Seeing the pictures and reading their captions, my first thought was Dear God please don't send me there! - to my great shame. It was then that I knew that I wasn't called to be a missionary...or at least, not yet anyway.

Things I need to learn:

1) Grace - I have to learn to be more gracious towards others, and even myself.

2) Forgiveness - There's someone I need to forgive. It's hard, but possible.

3) Love - I need to love others more.

4) Humility - I forget God sometimes.

5) Patience - Never a strong suit.

6) Perseverance - I've always been too easily depressed, too eager to look at the wind and waves rather than keep my eyes on Jesus.

7) Hope - Cynicism and despair are very familiar acquaintances. Gotta kick 'em outta my life.

Breath Of Life

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. - 2 Corinthians 1:20

Last night was an amazing night: God breathed His life back into the dying.

The prayer meeting was extremely encouraging and refreshing, and taught me again for the nth time to trust in Him even when - no, especially when - circumstances seem hopeless.

God touched many hearts last night in the prayer meeting. He reminded us once more of His love, care and provision. There was such hope, such joy - enough to sustain all of us to continue doing His work. That verse in 2 Corinthians 1:20 kept flashing through my head, except that I forgot where it was from.

And I feel so incredibly proud of V, because listening to her pray, I can see the growth that is taking place in her life. Her love for God is increasing day by day, and it shows. Her confidence, too, in praying aloud.

When we worshipped, it was so glorious, and I remember thinking that this was only worship on earth, that one day we will be singing His praises in front of Him, literally, in new bodies, and with all others from around the world and throughout all the ages who love Him as well!

Now that's Heaven.

Can't Please Everyone

There's no way you can please everyone and make them happy.

I have good intentions, but sometimes in carrying them out, I stumble and mess up. With my limited wisdom, I do what I think is best, but it's not - or at least, not according to those around me. And what happens? I get to take the fall.

Then there are times when people misconstrue the things I do, and color it according to their own (wrong) interpretations...and guess what? I take the fall again.

I get so sick of people gossiping about me, talking about me, poking their long noses into my business when it's not welcome in the first place. And the reason they're so curious about what goes on in my life is not because of any love for me, but because they're plain busybodies.

Sickening, that's what they are.....if I let them get to me, that is.

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. - Galatians 1:10

...We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts. - 1 Thessalonians 2:4

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. - Proverbs 29:25

So, just keep trusting in God and stick close to Him.

:(

Depressing day today. Chun Chung's leaving.

:(

No more long talks over lunch about everything and anything.

No more mentor.

No more deep insight, different perspective and wisdom.

No more lame or funny anecdotes.

No more Chun Chung in Penang.

:(

I'll miss you so much!!!

:(

By the way, don't forget about the photo-journal project, yeah? I still wanna do it someday. And you owe us lasagna.......

Keep in touch, and I'm still expecting a wedding invitation from you!

Thanks for all. You've been a great blessing in my life.

Part of the human problem today is the systematic and widespread breakdown of the family unit.

More and more, I encounter people from broken homes. Divorce is as common as fleas on a stray. Single-parent families are mushrooming at an alarming rate.

It's a telling sign of how far we've strayed from God. We no longer accept His blueprint for family life, and we disregard the roles He has designated for us.

"Submission" is a dirty word, and the "modern" woman worth her salt would never be caught dead submitting to her husband. It's a sign of "weakness". Women rule. Men, if they love their wives, should listen to and obey everything they say.

Why has it become this way?

Because, like love, the concept of submission has been distorted by this world. It's portrayed as demeaning, debasing, inhuman, weak.....archaic. This argument definitely appeals to a person's misguided pride.

I know many women who try to rule, who bridle at the concept of submitting to their husbands, but they don't have a happy marriage. The home becomes a battle ground, children the casualty. That sacred relationship between husband and wife is wrecked, replaced with a "battle of the sexes" mentality.

Of course, the women complain that they don't respect their husbands. Then why marry him in the first place? Never marry a man you cannot submit to.

And then the men's part in all this: they get confused between "submission" and "slavery". The whole Me-Tarzan-you-Jane thing comes into play. Yes, sure, wives are supposed to submit to their husbands, but men are supposed to love their wives as well.

Love their wives, not as a miser loves his gold, not as a man taking pride in his luxury car or prize-winning thoroughbred, but as they love their own bodies, the way Christ loves the church.

Sadly, some men mistake their headship as carte blanche to be jerks. Puffed up by the idea of leadership, they assume their wives are nothing more than chattel or servants.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. - Ephesians 5:22-30

God's Gracious Gift

As a general rule, I dislike "picking up" after people, being left to clean up their mess or worse, getting saddled with their responsibilities. Helping someone out is one thing, but having to take over that person's role because s/he is plain lazy is another thing altogether.

However, there is an exception to this: puppy-duty. :)

My cousin has a puppy, which needs to be fed from a baby milk bottle, and it's one of the best "jobs" ever!

That cute butterball bundle of fat with a round little tum has the ability to make even the grouchiest, grumpiest person smile, trust me on this one.

And he won't drink the milk immediately either! He'll play with it for awhile, testing your patience, and when he senses that his quota of cuteness is almost up, he'll begin to drink in earnest. He has this endearing idiosyncrasy of "playing" with the bottle: his forepaws will be scrabbling away like mad at it while he's drinking, unless you begin to scratch his back and tummy - then his furious activity will cease, but only for a short moment.

Next to salvation and grace, I think dogs are God's best gifts to the human race.

lodestar

Night is the dominion of dreams.
Stretching back, to see stars spread
endlessly across the velvet sky,
a design my mind can never grasp.

You: a constellation unto yourself.
A glimmering mystery I cannot comprehend,
the lodestar, the enigma
to which I am drawn.

I cup the reflected stars
in my palm, reverently.
This is the closest I get to you.
And then the water trickles through...

rain {starblossoms}

rain {starblossoms}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tonight it will rain starblossoms of fire, and they will call
upon altars dedicated to the three-fold law:
back upon you in terrible madness
and in stern retribution
if you fall

there was a time when thunder brought promises of rain
and life: the sacred dream of sleeping seed, a blessing
to each blade of grass; and we danced
a joyous celebration under
abundant skies

and we come gladly, naked in nativity, baskets, cornucopias
teeming with vitality; spring thaw, burst rivers proclaiming
the absence of war, famine, and the pestilence
of human misery swimming
for the shore

we had nothing to fear from the skies, but now there's a roar
from different thunder: of bronze skies splitting open,
raining death from strange storms
coming to scorch our patch
of Eden

tonight it will rain starblossoms from an unearthly sky;
tomorrow we will fall to the ground and weep
to have found eternal song; we will pray,
pray in devotion and sleep
the peaceful sleep


© Jason Morales & sleepypurplepiglet

Encouragement

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9

Came at the right moment, this verse did, just when I got tired of trying to save all the people who willingly tie themselves to railway tracks and fight me off when I try to pull them away.

Bahasa Malaysia!

So, Bahasa Malaysia turned into Bahasa Melayu and back into Bahasa Malaysia again.

Everyone's happy about it, because it makes us feel good, feel united, part of something larger than ourselves. National pride and patriotism and all that.

It's so nice to feel such unity, especially this close to elections...

=)

Whitewashed Walls

The article "Veiled ambition" by Pakinam Amer in page T14 of Startwo, The Star, Tuesday, 5th June 2007 touches upon the difficulties Saudi women face in their community.

In Saudi society, "mixing" is not allowed, i.e a strict separation between men and women is observed.

It is written that - and I quote - "a group of Islamic scholars issued a fatwa (Islamic mandate) denouncing jobs in which women communicated with male strangers."

It goes on to say that women suffered from occasional harassment by clients who tried to flirt. "Some male callers step out of line when they hear a woman's voice on the other end," says a female call center employee. (The italicized parts indicate direct excerpt from article).

So, okay, let me test my understanding (italicized parts also excerpts from the article):

1) Women are oppressed socio-economically. They are discouraged from working in any other fields except medicine, nursing, and teaching in segregated environments. They are banned from driving. Girls get their education in isolated classes across most high schools and universities, but the number of approved subjects is restricted.

2) Men are free to flirt with women they come across. I can't help but wonder if it's because they think that the women they encounter are "unsupervised" and therefore (for the lack of a better term) "loose"?

If they want so much to protect women, why not issue a fatwa that men aren't allowed to flirt? Why not decree that men should learn to respect women? Because from what's written, it is obvious that the men are treating the women condescendingly and disrespectfully.

Can external rules and regulations really help much in curbing crime and sin, when a person's thoughts and attitude remain corrupted and disrespectful, when he is not taught to control his own desires?

Making rules is only a way of denying and suppressing needs and root issues, not dealing with them, which ultimately won't solve anything.

Harassment

This past Friday, I was with Joy and Jonn at a mamak place, and had one of the most unpleasant encounters in my life, ever.

I was talking to Jonn when I realized that four men over at the next table kept looking towards me and/or Joy. They had the most lascivious, lecherous, perverted smirks on their faces you could ever imagine.

And in that instant, fully clothed though I was, I felt so unsafe and naked. My skin literally crawled.

It did not help that they laughed when they knew we were aware that they were watching.

By the way, I'm not overreacting or being "too sensitive". Joy and Jonn felt it too.

Know this: both Joy and I were decently dressed. We were wearing long-sleeved tops and jeans. We did not expose anything. And yet we were harassed by a bunch of vile, disgusting beasts.

Right at that moment, after that initial surge of fear, I felt such rage at them. I wanted so much to smash their stupid faces into sizzling hot plates and knee them in the groin, to wipe that smirk off their faces.

Even just by recounting that incident, it evokes the same vulnerability and rage I was subject to that day.

The saddest part of this whole incident is that they got away scot free after visually molesting me and/or Joy. And I know that if we'd actually tried to lodge a police report that night, we couldn't have because the laws in Malaysia just don't respect women enough. We would probably have been told to just "go home and forget it, and maybe next time you should cover yourself up...and girls shouldn't be out at night anyway."

Nothing will be done, and nothing can be done, not with the attitude most Malaysian MPs have anyway. If a woman is raped or sexually harassed, it's all her fault. She was "asking for it", or maybe her dressing is too "revealing". It seems to escape the notice of those who are elected that little girls and old women are raped as well...and so was a fully-clothed, tudung-wearing girl on a bus a few years back.

So, keep blaming the women for tempting men. Blame your lack of self-control, lack of respect for women, lack of any morality whatsoever, blame your corrupted thoughts and desires on women. It's easier to justify your filthiness rather than change your attitudes...besides, a change of attitude means you can't go on being perverts, which is something (most) men won't give up.

Gas Tank Marked "Full"

I love driving, that feeling of freedom and action, of going somewhere, especially when the gas tank is full. There's something almost pure and unsullied about the act of driving itself (notwithstanding other road drivers and/or the price of gas) which I cherish, especially on quiet, empty roads.

And when I say I love to drive, I mean it literally, excluding the thought of parking, and other bugbears. It's that feeling I have when I'm behind the steering wheel, which is unbeatable.

My only regret is that my faithful little car, brave and steadfast though she is, lacks the necessary engine power, but she makes up for it by her maneuverability.

I love her very much, pokiness and all, and I will definitely miss her when the time comes for us to part.

Shovelling emotional crap builds up spiritual muscle.

Much More Will Be Asked

The LORD said to Moses, "Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink. So Moses took the staff from the LORD's presence, just as he commanded him. He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, "Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?" Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank. But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them." - Numbers 20:7-12

Elsewhere in Deuteronomy 32:51-52, the LORD said, "This is because both of you broke faith with me in the presence of the Israelites at the waters of Meribah Kadesh in the Desert of Zin and because you did not uphold my holiness among the Israelites. Therefore, you will see the land only from a distance; you will not enter the land I am giving to the people of Israel."

Pretty harsh, huh? I was always puzzled at this severe decree from God. Why deny Moses entry into the Promised Land, all because of a seemingly small transgression? In fact, I couldn't even discern what Moses did which the LORD took as 'breaking faith'.

After all, God loved Moses so much, and Moses had been - up till Meribah anyway - utterly faithful. Why, Moses even spoke with God face-to-face! Surely God could overlook such a teensy flaw in His leader?

Human beings are definitely more likely and willing to overlook misdeeds in leaders and favorite people, anyway.

But Jesus says: "That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. - Luke 12:47-48

Quite a different perspective, huh?

The more you know of God, the more you'll be held accountable for not obeying Him. The closer you are to Him, the 'harsher' He will be when dealing with you.

It's wonderful how God turns worldly wisdom and human ways upside down.

Things To Do Before I Die

I'm stuck in college, because someone's blocking my car...

Here's a list of things I wanna do before I die, off the top of my head in no particular order:

1) Bungee-jump.

2) Go hiking.

3) Watch the sun rise.

4) Learn to cook and bake.

5) Get a diving license. Or go snorkelling.

6) Get a dog.

7) Start a shelter for abused animals/strays/abused children and women.

8) Play in the rain.

9) Learn to dance.

10) Go whitewater rafting.

11) Visit Italy, Greece, Switzerland, Africa.

12) Re-learn how to drive stick shift.

13) Drive a Jaguar (doesn't even have to be mine...) and as many gorgeous cars as I can.

The past week was a pretty bad one for me personally - an old friend came calling, a friend by the name of Depression. He brought along with him a few others as well, and being the ever-gracious hostess, I set out chairs for them, welcomed them, made them at home.

Not the wisest thing to do.

Anyway, this extreme depression continued until Thursday night. I was discouraged by the low attendance in the prayer meeting, and I honestly didn't feel like going at all.

Thank God I did.

Celia began, and when it was my turn I thanked God for the opportunity to gather and pray, and most importantly for the fact that no matter how crappy and wearying our day can get, in the end He is always there to listen to us, and love us, and comfort us.

When I started praying that, it was more of a rote thing, not heartfelt. But halfway through, something amazing happened. I felt the words change the situation, felt my heart and spirit stir within me. I felt a quiet joy, and peace filling me up.

That was quite enough to scare away all the unwanted guests lodging in my head and heart.

And I've been on the mend ever since, though doubtless they'll be back, now just lurking and biding their time.

Hopefully I'll learn the next time they come knocking again.

Yeah, uh-huh...right.

Yesterday, a friend's mother complimented me, saying, among other things, that I "stood out" because I was confident and self-assured.

Apparently, I'm really good at faking it.

The 'Naaman' Complex

There was this guy called Naaman who was a big hotshot in Aram - commander of the army, in fact - who suffered from leprosy. He heard of a man who could cure him, and went to see this healer, i.e. Elisha.

Now, Elisha did this: Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, "Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed." (2 Kings 5:10)

You'd think Naaman would be overjoyed. Hey, all I need to do is go have a dip in the Jordan! Yay! At least, that's what I'd think. Do you know the cost of medical consultation nowadays? They charge you an arm, a leg, and maybe your left kidney. And that's just for consultation. But I digress.

Anyway, this Naaman, see what he did: But Naaman went away angry and said, "I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than any of the waters of Israel? Couldn't I wash in them and be cleansed?" So he turned and went off in a rage. (2 Kings 5:11-12)

Naaman was willing to forsake the cure, all because God didn't quite work in the way Naaman expected Him to.

See what happened next: Naaman's servants went to him and said, "My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, 'Wash and be cleansed'!" So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy. (2 Kings 5:13-14)

Thank God for wise people around us!

The main thing is, I wonder how many Christians today suffer from the Naaman complex, i.e wanting and waiting to do something big for God, but not willing to do small and seemingly unimportant things?

Worshipping God means obeying Him, no matter how little He requires of us. Even cleaning toilets is an act of worship, if you have the right heart.

A list of people who have helped me to get to where I am in my Christian walk with God, in a (relatively) chronological order:

1) Alice - for sharing the gospel with me way back in Form 2. Although my spiritual eyes weren't open yet, it helped later on.

2) Uncle HC - for bringing me to church! If I hadn't attended church with him, I would still be living my old life.

3) Pastor Marcus - for all the life-giving sermons! Listening to him made a huge change in my life. God worked through him to speak to me.

4) Aunty Carol - for supporting and encouraging me in my walk with Him, and for a lot of financial help as well!

5) Joy - mentor and fellow pilgrim, friend and sister! God has truly blessed me abundantly through you.

6) Chun Chung - mentor, friend, and shrink. Thank you for taking time to be my friend, even though it's part of your job. And thank you for putting up with my craziness and annoying questions, and for helping me focus. You make me realize important things, and re-orient me.

7) Joshua - for putting up with all the questions I had (and still have), and actually answering them. You're accessible; I wasn't as intimidated at bugging you than at bugging pastors.

These are the most important and direct influences and 'help' in my early Christian life; they've made a tremendous impact on me, and I'm thankful to God for placing them in my life.

Whooooo hooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cannibalism

I saw a big lizard eating a baby lizard for dinner.

Spider Stories again.

Last night, there was another spider encounter. (Yes, yes, I'm as sick of seeing those disgusting eight-legged crawlies as you are of reading about my spider horror stories. But it's my blog, so I don't really care...)

Good news: It wasn't in the bathroom, scaring me while I'm in my birthday suit.

Bad news: It was in my room, directly on the ceiling above my bed.

I never knew I had such quick reflexes, jumping off my bed, let me tell you.

Anyway, it probably got scared by the two-legged-freak-girl as well, because it scuttled away into a corner, right where there are lots of things and curtains to hide behind.

I didn't see it leave. I'm praying it's no longer there, and I was extremely cautious getting out of bed this morning. Heck, I was extremely cautious doing everything, making sure there weren't any spiders lurking nearby before I touched anything in my room!!!

:(