Unruly Affections

~ As I began to learn what was in my heart I saw very clearly that, of all things difficult to rule, none were more so than my will and affections

~ In the woman, always the ancient longing...the inextinguishable hope for recognition, response, protection.- Elisabeth Elliot

Excerpts from Passion & Purity, and truisms at that.

Yes, I admit it. I am guilty. My affections have been running wild for quite some time now. Don't think I haven't tried to excise that certain someone from my thoughts and emotions. Don't think I would have chosen this path.

I cannot help it, try as hard as I did. The more I tried to 'unlearn his name', the more deeply entrenched he became. The more I wanted to forget that smile, the more my mind's eye conjured it up in vivid technicolor.

Bloody psychological workings of the mind.

And so I have surrendered it to God - His will be done. If indeed this is God-given, God will know how to direct my steps. If it is not from God, then this feeling will wear away someday.

I've learnt to accept my emotions. I can't change anything, and wondering if that person feels the same won't do good at all, so I'll just 'let it be'. I won't fight it, I'll just leave it there.

But, oh God, I pray Thy will be done!

Almighty God, You alone can bring into order the unruly wills and affections of sinners. Grant me grace to love what You command and desire what You promise; that, among the swift and varied changes of the world, my heart may surely there be fixed where true joys are to be found; through Jesus Christ my Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen. - Prayer, Elisabeth Elliot - Passion & Purity.